Oscar Watch '09: Rachel Getting Married

Well, since Anne Hathaway's already won the Golden Globe, I think it's fair to put this one on Oscar Watch. So good!

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[it is AMERICA]

Anne Hathaway: Rehab. Bye.

Her Dad: Hi, sweetie! Are you ready to go directly from rehab to your sister's insane, multi-day, multi-ethnic, super-awesome, but also highly stressful wedding?

Anne Hathaway: Not really. But at least my hair looks fierce.

Rosemarie DeWitt: I'm so glad to see you! But my friend, with the asymmetric nostrils and stick up her ass, is not. Let's tell a story about Elvis Stojko, though.

Anne Hathaway: I gotta go to Narcotics

Anonymous.

[she KNOCKS OVER a bunch of CHAIRS]

Anne Hathaway: Cocksucker!*

Guy Who is Talking: Just the once, my dealer. I was really broke.*

[the RECOVERING ADDICTS laugh because it's FUNNY because it's TRUE]

Guy Who is Talking: Hi. Oh, by the way, I'm just in town for a wedding.

[he turns out to be the BEST MAN and they BONE under the HOUSE]

Anne Hathaway: This is a great tradition! The best man and maid of honor boning.

Best Man: Uh...isn't your sister's lame friend the maid of honor?

[there is a HUGE ARGUMENT]

Rosemarie DeWitt: Fine! Fine. Whatever. Can we just do the wedding?

[they have a SWEET TALENT SHOW where all the guests do SOMETHING AWESOME]

The Guy from TV on the Radio: Thanks, guests.

[someone mentions a CHILD that DIED and you start to WONDER about it]

Anne Hathaway: Is Mom coming to the rehearsal dinner?

Rosemarie DeWitt: Yes. Please don't embarrass me or make this about you.

Anne Hathaway: I won't.

[she DOES]

Debra Winger: Hi, girls.

[there is MAD TENSION]

Anne Hathaway: I have to go to NA again.

[she tells how she was RESPONSIBLE for the DEATH of her little BROTHER and it is AWFUL]

The Dad: I bet I can fill the dishwasher faster than you.

The Guy from TV on the Radio: Oh yeah?

[they have a DISHWASHER RACE, but they find the BROTHER'S plate and everyone gets SAD]

Rosemarie DeWitt: You always make this about you!

Anne Hathaway: Fine! I'm leaving!

[she goes to her MOM'S house and PUNCHES her mom]

Anne Hathaway: Gaaaaah!

[she drives her CAR into a TREE]

Rosemarie DeWitt: Hey. Time for me to get married.

[she DOES, and it is BEAUTIFUL]