Some Minor Housekeeping

Hi readers,

Before we return to our regularly scheduled programming of bringing you what I hope are hilarious and accurate movie condensations, a few points:

- I discovered that blogger has made it really, really easy for me to display blogs I read in my sidebar. So I did that. They're over there, so you should look at them.

- My friend Laurie at Your Ill-Fitting Overcoat is running a contest for which the prize is one of my fine crafted items. Also, her blog is full of fantastic writing and tales of derring-do, so you should just be reading it in general, really.

- I also added a button over there so you can contribute to my movie-watching fund. I know, I know, I can find all the Oscar screeners online, but that takes so much typing, you guys. Also my house does not have that fake butter topping that tastes like coconut because it's made from coconut oil, so there's another point in support of going to the cinema. But even with my new "always sneak into a second movie" policy, it's still mad expensive, so if you have a couple of dollars lying around, toss 'em in. If you don't, no bigs.

Love and Kisses,
Anna

2008 Year In Review: I Actually Wrote Something Every Month This Year

I did this last year. It's a very lazy way of doing a year in review post. My favorite kind!

January:
[it is NEW YORK]
Waldo Lydecker: I remember that hot, hot day when Laura died...so hot, in fact, that when I received the officer investigating her murder, I was in the bathtub.

February:
When I think of bare-knuckle boxing, land rushes, and the Irish, I think of one man: THE CRUISE.

March:
They say if you can remember the 1960's, then you weren't there. Laura McClain sure wasn't.

April:
[it is OLD-TIMEY ENGLAND]
Keira Knightley: I have so many sisters! We're poor! Kind of! My mom is annoying! Let's go to a ball!

May:
[it is LOS ANGELES]
Insanely Adorable Child: La, la, la...my arm is broken, so I have to be in the hospital, which I apparently can wander around all the livelong day. But where is that note I wrote to the nice nurse?

June:
[it is AFGHANISTAN]
Robert Downey Jr: You can tell that I am insouciant by the fact that I am drinking scotch in a military vehicle. I'm so droll!

July:
Yes, technically this movie was released in 1990, but it must have been filmed in the 80s, so that's what I'm sticking with.

August:
I've been trying to write this one for years. YEARS, I tell you. I just love it so much, and have seen it so many times, and know so many lines...it's like trying to describe every mole and freckle on your own body to someone. A daunting task.

September:
[it is CLARK COUNTY]
Seth Rogen: I am perfect for the job of process server, because I am schlumpy and easy to forget. Also I have many costumes in my trunk. Off to serve some subpoenas!!
[he just SITS in his CAR and SMOKES POT]

October:
This movie is seriously great. Please do not use this condensed version as a substitute for the real thing. Also, A MILLION people are in it. It's great.

November:
Yes, I'm aware that this is a movie typically associated with a particular season, one we're not actually officially all up in yet (though Duane Reade has had Christmas candy for, like, weeks).

December:
[it is CALIFORNIA]
Jennifer Lopez: So many jobs! I'm a dogwalker and a temp and I design clothes and I am sassy!

Year in Review: The Prolific First Half vs. The Extremely Lazy Second Half of 2007

Stolen from Laurie: I post the first few lines of the first post of each month of 2007. Maybe you'll go read some old posts.

January.
So I write these ultra-condensed movie synopses - they can't really be called "reviews," as I don't always pass any sort of judgement on the film.

February.
Note: I only watched this because I was (mis)led to believe that the Europe song “The Final Countdown” was a part of the film. I’m sorry, but I love that song, due much in part to its use on “Arrested Development.”

March.
I didn't see this movie. In fact, no one I know saw it. I'm sure it was good/emotional/culturally relevant. I might watch it eventually. So I cheated. I read a synopsis. And then I made a synopsis of the synopsis.

April.
I read this book, and saw the movie, in high school and loved it. My teacher, Mrs. Hunter, who was the coolest ever, touted the knitting scene as "the hottest scene in a film, ever."

May.
Coming-of-age movies are a dime a dozen, which usually means there's one really awesome one, and then a bunch of wannabe, posery ones.

June.
[it is the 1960s]
Kelly: Give me my money, you bastard!!!
Pimp: I'm drunk! Please stop hitting me with your purse!

July.
[it is AMERICA]
Astonishingly Hot Computer Chick: Have you completed the task we assigned you, minion...I mean...employee?

August.
[it is NEW YORK]
Citizens: La, la, la...how lovely it is to live in this great city.
[something EXPLODES]

September.
[it is a TV-OBSESSED culture]
Announcer Voice: Check it out! We bought a baby! And made a TV show about it! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

October.
[it is the FUTURE or something]

November.
lazy month. no posts.

December.
[it is an ORPHANAGE]
Orphanage Lady: Laura! Come inside! Since you're the only "normal" child who lives here, you've been adopted! Let the other, subpar children play together.

I'll try to be more diligent in 2008.

Hello, friends.

So I write these ultra-condensed movie synopses - they can't really be called "reviews," as I don't always pass any sort of judgement on the film.

I find them amusing. Apparently, others do as well. Let's see how this fares, shall we?