[it is SWEDEN]
Dad: Tomas! Give me a machete! I know you have one in your magic kit, you slob!
Tomas: God, dad, don't bother me! I'm trying to become an amazing magician! All while being a less-annoying, Swedish version of Napoleon Dynamite, except I'm like 25! CHIMAY!!! That is my magic word.
[he is CLEARLY NOT a very good magician]
Tomas: Ooh, who is that hot hottie moving in next door? With a kid, but still: hottttttt.
Dad: Are you guys ready for my birthday party on Friday? We're going to have karaoke.
Tomas: But daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad I want to do maaaaaaaaaaaagic! Look, let me show you how good I am at it. CHIMAY!!
[he accidentally STABS his mother]
Tomas: Oh. Shit.
[they go to the HOSPITAL and the HOT NEIGHBOR is a NURSE there and the mom is FINE]
Tomas: So...I live next door. And I do magic. You know, Gothic mystery and mayhem.*
Hot Neighbor: Um...okay. Do you do kids' parties? My son's birthday is tomorrow.
Tomas: Hell yeah I do kids' parties!!
[he does a TRICK where it looks like he blows up a HAMSTER but the hamster is OKAY]
Hot Neighbor: So, when can I see another of your shows?
Tomas: OMG OMG OMG DAD YOU NEED TO LET ME DO SOME MAGIC AT YOUR PARTY BECAUSE I NEED TO GET WITH THIS HOT NEIGHBOR.
Dad: Do you promise not to stab your mom again?
Tomas: Um...yes.
[he calls his STUNTMAN FRIEND to help him and puts him in the AUDIENCE as a PLANT]
Tomas: You, sir, why don't you come and get inside the magic cube!
Stuntmant Friend: Why, I shall!
[he gets STABBED and is BLEEDING literally EVERYWHERE and like DIES]
Audience: [stunned SILENCE]
Tomas: Um...anyone need a light?
Stuntman Friend: I do! I'm not dead!
Everyone: Yay!
Hot Neighbor: Yay!
[he POKES her in the EYE with magic FLOWERS]
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