2009 Year in Review, or: This Blog Has Lasted Longer Than Any of My Relationships

Dang, you guys! I've been writing this blog for a long time! I have not one, but TWO year-in-review posts (the lazy girl's kind). So, here's another one. It's the first line (or lines, if I want) of the first post of each month.

January:

[it is the FABULOUS SIXTIES]

Doris Day: My! I have SUCH a fabulous life here in New York City, with my amazing single gal pad and drunken maid!

February:
[it is the 80s]
Richard Dreyfuss: Oh no. This story in the paper says something about my childhood friend. Ah, memories...

March:
[it is VIRGINA]
Elijah Wood: Look! A heavenly body I don't recognize! What could it be? I will ask my friend, the professor of astronomy in Arizona.

April:
This was actually already published a while back on this blog. But I love it so, and I need you guys to read it again.
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[it is the 1960s]
Kelly: Give me my money, you bastard!!!

May:
If you're a regular reader of this site, you probably have, in equal measure, an appreciation for and healthy skepticism about big, obviously-commercial HOLLYWOOD MOVIES.

June:
[it is NEW JERSEY]
Michael Cera: I'm sensitive and hairless! I have so many indie rock band posters on my walls that they are actually part of the structural integrity of my home!

July:
[it is THE PAST]
Old-Timey Newsreel: ...and so this explorer guy went to this place in South America with a bunch of dogs in a zeppelin.

August:
I know I piqued your interest many moons ago with this post regarding the FIFTY PACK of movies I got, and then wrote one post on ONE movie of the fifty in the pack, leaving you wanting more and never giving it to you. Tease.

September:
Yo, I don't know what I was doing in September. I suspect I have a good excuse as to why there aren't any posts from that month. What that is excuse is, I don't know. Let's just look at this picture of Taylor Lautner (here's one of Salma Hayek, in case you prefer the ladies).

October:
Most romantic comedies I can deal with. Some are actually cute and inoffensive and make you want to be adorable all day long. Some are maddeningly stupid, but have funny parts and a likable cast and you're like "fine, whatever." But some...some are so cliche-ridden and so offensive to basically every sensibility I have AND also promote horrible, horrible societal expectations (see last line) that the people responsible should be taken out and shot.

November:
[it is LA]
Keanu: I am a super-awesome FBI agent! Just see how I can shoot many things and get a 100% on my shooting things test!
[some guy gives him a THUMBS UP]

December:
Frequent guest contributor Laura McClain, head of the Weepy Epics Department here at UCM, realized we hadn't had one in a while. Beware: this movie is, like, majorly depressing. But she's made it hilarious! Magical.