[it is the GULF WAR...the first one]
Liev Schreiber: AAAAA! SOLDIER THINGS!
[he SAVES some people, or so it SEEMS]
Denzel: And that's how he got this medal, even though I am the one giving the talk about it.
Crazy Guy: DO YOU HAVE DREAMS? ABOUT THE WAR?
Denzel: Uh...
[he DOES, and they are TERRIFYING]
Television Reports: The leading choice for Vice Presidential nominee is Jon Voight.
Meryl Streep: Pick my son. DO IT. I am STREEP and YOU MUST OBEY.
Television Reports: This just in - Liev Schreiber is now the VP nominee.
Denzel: I don't think he's actually a hero. Based solely on my dreams and the rantings of a crazy dude.
[he meets a CUTE GIRL on the TRAIN, though he acts SUPER SKETCHY all the time]
Denzel: They're watching me! Something weird is going on!
[he finds a CHIP or something in his SHOULDER but it falls down the DRAIN]
Denzel: I must get more evidence!
[he BITES Liev Schreiber and gets the CHIP from HIM]
Liev Schreiber: WTF?
[he gets a PHONE CALL that turns out to be the ACTIVATION of his BRAINWASHING]
Scary Doctor: Now we will drill into your brain.
Denzel: Now I will do research on microfiche, because it is way more interesting than Googling!
[he finds out some CONSPIRACY INFORMATION]
Cute Girl from Train: Are you okay?
Denzel: I'm taking this to the Feds!
Cute Girl from Train: I AM THE FEDS.*
Meryl Streep: This is unacceptable!!
[it turns out that she is BEHIND IT ALL]
Denzel: Look! I have evidence that we have been brainwashed!
Jon Voight: I believe you, son.
[he goes KAYAKING but is KILLED by a BRAINWASHED Liev Schreiber]
Jon Voight's Daughter: Dad? Dad? Wait, it's my ex-boyfriend...killing my dad!! Whaaaa!!
Liev Schreiber: Must...eliminate...witnesses...
[he KILLS her too and it is SAD]
Denzel: Seriously! There's evidence!
Liev Schreiber: Oh...shit. Oh, wait, my mom is on the phone and she wants to talk to you.
Meryl Streep: DO AS I SAYYYYY
[Denzel is turned into an ASSASSIN via the BRAINWASHING]
Television Report: It's our new President-elect, and his hot young Vice President-elect!
Meryl Streep: Just make sure you stand on your mark, sweetheart. Then the assassin will shoot the president, and not you. I did this for you, baby. FOR YOU.
[she KISSES him in a REALLY NON-MOTHERLY WAY]
Liev Schreiber: I know I have been brainwashed. Weep weep.
[he does NOT stand on his MARK, but instead LOOKS at Denzel REALLY MEANINGFULLY and Denzel SHOOTS him and his mother SIMULTAENOUSLY]
Denzel: I have saved the day. But I am sad about it.
Cute Girl from Train Who is Also a Federal Agent: Thanks.
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