[it is ARIZONA]
Home Care Nurse: Flush the toilet, old man. I take care of your girlfriend, not you.
Philip Bosco: [smears his SHIT on the WALL and writes "PRICK" in it]
Me: Well, this is going to be a barrel of laughs.
Laura Linney: God, I wish my life didn't suck so bad. I work at an office and no one will give me money to write my terrible-sounding play based on my childhood. And my boyfriend's married and not even that cute. He is like a less-sexy version of Richard Jenkins.
Answering Machine Message: Hi, yeah, so your dad is smearing shit on the walls.
Laura Linney: Fuck.
[she calls her BROTHER in BUFFALO]
Philip Seymour Hoffman: Dude, our dad was not part of our life. I ain't care about him.
[the dad's GIRLFRIEND DIES at the NAIL SALON]
PSH: Now we have to go there for the funeral? Ugh.
Debra Monk: Thanks for coming out. By the way, your dad has no rights to any of my mom's property, even though they were together for 20 years. Sorry! Also he has dementia. Suckers!
Philip Bosco: Where's my son the doctor?
Laura Linney: Dad, he's a doctor of philosophy. He teaches theater.
Philip Bosco: Like Broadway?
Laura Linney: Like...theater of social unrest?**
Laura Linney: Well, I guess we have to take him with us.
PSH: And we'll put him in a nursing home.
Laura Linney: OH MY GOD NO WE CAN'T PUT HIM IN ONE OF THOSE OH MY GOD.
PSH: Look, just bring him to Buffalo and we'll figure it out.
[they find a place that seems FINE and takes MEDICAID]
Laura Linney: Oh my god, we're horrible children!
PSH: No, we're not. Now, I need to work on my Brecht book, so you can take care of dad while I do that.
Laura Linney: But I'm getting a grant from the Guggenheim Foundation to finish my play!
PSH: Oh. Well, I will try very hard not to mask my surprise, because I obviously think you are stupider than me.
Laura Linney: Here, let's just both take some Percocet I stole from dad's dead girlfriend.
[they DO and it is NICE because drugs are HELPFUL]
Laura Linney: Are you sure this nursing home is nice enough?
PSH: Yes. Now shut up.
Laura Linney: I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU GROW EMOTIONALLY.
[a LOT of REALLY BORING SHIT happens]
Laura Linney: My married boyfriend killed my plant. It's symbolic.
PSH: Well, my girlfriend moved back to Poland. And I know you didn't get a grant.
Laura Linney: NOW IT IS TIME WE HAD AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION!!
[they DO but it is really kind of BORING though they are both GOOD at ACTING]
Philip Bosco: So glad I could help you two reconnect with each other and your art. Now I'll die.
[he DOES and it is a RELIEF and not SAD]
Laura Linney: Now I know how to finish my play!
PSH: Now I know I want to marry my girlfriend!
[they are HAPPY?]
**only LOL moment in the whole movie