What Happens in Vegas

[it is NEW YORK]
Jason Sudeikis: So, I want to break up with you. Unfortunately, I am going to do it in front of all of our friends, unbeknownst to me, because it is my birthday and they are hiding for a surprise party. However, we've already established that I'm kind of a tool.
Cameron Diaz: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Lake Bell: You want me to junk-punch him? CAUSE I WILL. Also, let's go to Vegas.
[it is a CABINET COMPANY or something]
Treat Williams: So, I want to fire you. Hilariously, I am your dad.
Ashton Kutcher: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Rob Corddry: Dude, let's go to Vegas.
[everyone goes to VEGAS because SHENANIGANS happen there]
Cameron Diaz: Dude, our hotel room is totally sweet!
[SOMEHOW, the four of them are BOOKED in the SAME ROOM, though that has NEVER HAPPENED, especially considering COMPUTER KEYS and stuff]
Ashton Kutcher: Sorry, ladies...that you're so hot! Wanna party with us?
Cameron Diaz: Ew.
Rob Corddry: I hate you, Female Lead's Sidekick.
Lake Bell: I hate you more, Male Lead's Sidekick.
Ashton: Come on, just one drink! I dare you! And since you have been proven to be a workaholic with Type-A tendencies, I know that will get you.
Cameron: YOU'RE ON.
[they have a CRAZY NIGHT and Ashton and Cameron wake up MARRIED]
Cameron: I'm dumping you! I have made judgements on your character based on your behavior during one sloppy night!
Ashton: No, I'm dumping you! I have also made those same judgements!
[he puts HER QUARTER into a SLOT MACHINE and wins THREE MILLION DOLLARS]
Cameron/Ashton: Yes! I'm rich! That's my money! Etc. etc. etc.
[they go back to NEW YORK and try to get DIVORCED so they can each have some MONEY]
Dennis Miller: Hi, everyone. Was the premise of this movie still too plausible for you? Well, that's what I'm here to remedy. I sentence the two of you to six months of HARD MARRIAGE to show that marriage is important and not a farce. Yes, that's it. And you'll have to go to marriage counseling with Queen Latifah, who is super-no-nonsense in this movie.
Queen Latifah: Mmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmm.
[there are a bunch of HIJINKS involving how much they HATE each other]
Cameron:I know! I'll trick him into cheating on me and then I'll get it all!
Ashton: That exact same plan!
[a HUGE PARTY erupts at their PLACE and they both end up in the BATHROOM, hiding, and having a TENDER MOMENT about a LIGHTHOUSE]
Zack Galifianakis: [says something Galifianakis-y/hilarious]
Rob Corddry [addressing lotion]: Lavender, get on my head.*
[he RUBS the LOTION on his BALD HEAD]
Ashton: I know! I'll use her obvious attachment to her ex-fiance to undermine her!
[he TRIES this, but it DOES NOT WORK because she is WARMING to him]
Cameron: Listen, can you just come to my work retreat with me and try to be cool? I'm trying to get a promotion and a super-hot husband would do wonders for that.
[he is SO COOL that everyone LOVES him and, subsequently, HER as well]
Ashton/Cameron: I thought I hated this person, but I do not! Whaaaaaaa?
Jason Sudeikis: Hey, I'm back to ruin the seemingly nice ending.
Cameron: Oh, now I hate Ashton. He can have all the jackpot money.
Ashton: Now I am confused, but still pretty hot, to be honest.
Cameron's Boss: You got the promotion!
Cameron Diaz: But...I had a Life Realization! I don't want this job!
[she goes to the LIGHTHOUSE and Ashton FINDS her because of that one time they talked about a LIGHTHOUSE]
Ashton: Let's be married again.
Cameron: Cool.
Lake Bell: [JUNK-PUNCHES Jason Sudeikis]
Rob Corddry: Yeah!!