[it is NEW YORK]
Anna: I love living in New York! There is so much to do and see!
New York Attractions: But we are so expensive!
Peanut Butter: Even I, a wholesome food staple, am expensive in New York!
Anna: Oh no! Why is everything so expensive? And how do I have no money?
Anna's Apartment: Because I am in a prime location, and even though I am kind of a shithole, I take lots of money!!
[the CEILING falls on her HEAD*]
Anna: Living in New York is hard!! And now my head hurts!
Guys, I'm just gonna put it out there: I need money. Basically everyone I know is mad broke, but are they writing hilarious ultra-condensed movies for you all the time? They are not (as far as I know). Don't you want to give back for the many LOLs you have received here? I'm sure you do. So we're having the First Annual or Maybe Not Annual at All Because I Hope This is the Only Time I Need to Do This Ultra Condensed Movies Pledge Drive!! (I know you're all super excited.) Here are the pledge levels:
$1: Meet Cute: If you give me a dollar, I will take a picture of the dollar in front of a Famous New York Attraction and send it to you via technology.
$5: Hilarious Mix-Up: If you send me five dollars, I will send you a postcard of something hilarious.
$10: Hate Turns to Love: If you send me ten dollars, I will send you a DVD of my choosing. I have a medium-sized collection of bizarre variety.
$100: Montage of Dates: If you send me $100, I will go see a movie of your choosing with you in the movie theater. This is at my convenience, so if you're not somewhere the MTA runs, you'll have to wait until I'm in your town. You might have to wait a while. But isn't anticipation EVEN BETTER than getting the thing?
$100,000: They Bone and it is Hot: If you send me $100,000, I will bone you.
So just click on the Paul Rudd below (RSS peeps, you may have to click over to the blog) and enter an amount in PayPal. I assume you all know how to use PayPal, because my readers are all extremely smart and attractive. You can also drop a tip in the tip jar any time you like with the "Buy Me a Movie" button over on the right. Just sayin'.
*this didn't actually happen to me, but did actually almost happen to my roommate. Trust.