Lars and the Real Girl

[it is a MIDWESTERN STATE that I assumed was MINNESOTA based on all the SCANDINAVIAN NAMES until I recognized a SCONNIE LICENSE PLATE]
Emily Mortimer: Seriously, Lars, come in the house. Don't stay out here in the garage. We love you and we want you to live in the house. Only crazy people live in garages.
Ryan Gosling: You look cold. Here, wear my symbolism blanket to keep you warm.
Emily Mortimer: You mean the baby blanket your mother knit you before she died giving birth to you? Thanks.
Ryan Gosling: No problem. And no, I don't want to come inside. Tell your husband, my brother, that I won't come inside.
Paul Schneider: I turned him crazy because I'm a bad brother!!
[he GUILTS ABOUT, hotly]
Emily Mortimer: Sigh.
[they go to CHURCH, because they are of HEARTY LUTHERAN STOCK]
Nice Church Lady: Here, Lars, give this flower to someone nice.
Blonde Work Girl: Hi, Lars!
[he literally FLINGS the FLOWER into the WOODS to avoid giving it to her]
Blonde Work Girl: Oh...I...uh. Hi. God! I'm so awkward. But it's okay and sort of cute, because we're both awkward. Right? RIGHT?
Blonde Work Girl: Hi Lars! Hi! Hi! I want to talk to you but I'm so nervous and I want to be friends or maybe your girlfriend but I'm not sure why because you are sort of socially inept!
Work Buddy: Hey, man, check out these sex dolls. They're anatomically correct! And I'm only in this movie to tell you about them.
[six weeks LATER]
Ryan Gosling: Guys, I have a visitor. A girl visitor. From Brazil. Who's a missionary.
Emily Mortimer: Oh my god! Amazing! This means you're not mentally deficient! People who are in couples are automatically not crazy! Hooray!
Paul Schneider: Let's meet her!! Then I will be absolved of my guilt!!
[she is a SEX DOLL and they are like WHAT]
Paul Schneider: My brother is crazy!! It's all my fault! Whyyyyy!?!?
Emily Mortimer: It's going to be okay. Let's go see the doctor, who also has a hilariously Scandinavian name. We'll tell him the doll needs a doctor's appointment.
Patricia Clarkson: Your brother has a delusion. My medical recommendation is that you go along with it until he doesn't need it anymore.
Paul Schneider: It's all my fault!! I can't do this!!
Emily Mortimer: YES YOU CAN. And so can the whole town. Luckily, we live in Bumblefuck, Wisconsin, so everyone can be in on it.
[the WHOLE TOWN pretends she is REAL because they are NICE and it is REALLY SWEET]
Paul Schneider: My guilt issues! I am dealing with them! In a hot, hot manner!
Ryan Gosling: Everyone likes my girlfriend so much - maybe a little too much!
[he has a FIGHT with the DOLL and it is actually kind of SAD]
Blonde Work Girl: So you have a girlfriend, so what? I have a boyfriend, and he's a real person. So there.
[the JERK DUDE from work kidnaps her TEDDY BEAR and "KILLS" it, but Ryan Gosling RESUSCITATES it and it is KIND OF ADORABLE]
Blonde Work Girl: Maybe we should go bowling.
Ryan Gosling: Well, we are in Wisconsin. Let's go.
[they DO, and he sees that ACTUAL PEOPLE are more fun than DOLLS]
Ryan Gosling: My girlfriend's sick, everyone.
Emily Mortimer: Whaaaaaaat?
Patricia Clarkson: Lars no longer needs the doll, so he is killing her.
[the doll DIES and they have an ACTUAL FUNERAL because she is BELOVED amongst the TOWNSPEOPLE]
Blonde Work Girl: I liked her. Maybe we should catch up with everyone.
Ryan Gosling: Want to go for a walk?*
Blonde Work Girl: Yeah.*
[theoretically, they live ADORABLY EVER AFTER]


Laura said...

I loved this movie, and cried when the doll "died." Yikes.

Also, my word verification is "amishes." That seems appropriate.

Emily said...

Amishes. Is that the act of Amishing? As in, "She amishes all the damn time" or something? I think so. Yes. That must be it.