Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

[it is NEW JERSEY]
Michael Cera: I'm sensitive and hairless! I have so many indie rock band posters on my walls that they are actually part of the structural integrity of my home! Whyyyyyyy did you break up with me, Bitchy Girlfriend?!?!
[he MOPES and is INDIE]
Bitchy Girlfriend: Ugh, my stupid ex made me another fucking mix CD.
Kat Dennings: But the mix CDs are so good!
[she RETRIEVES it from the TRASH because she is also SUPER INDIE]
Kat Dennings' Friend: OMG, Where's Fluffy, the high-concept band we love, is playing tonight somewhere in Manhattan! But we don't know where! Let's go on a multi-borough adventure to find them, as that is their concept - you never know where they'll play! How indie!
Kat Dennings: Promise you won't get drunk, though you always do?
Kat Dennings' Friend: Promise!
Michael Cera's Gay Bandmates: Come on, dude! Where's Fluffy is playing! It's gonna be an all-night adventure!
[obviously, they START at the SAME PLACE that Kat Dennings and her FRIEND do]
Bitchy GF: Ugh, here alone again, lame-o?
Kat Dennings: Uh...no! I'm here with my...boyfriend! Who is right over...there!
[she RANDOMLY picks Michael Cera because he looks UNTHREATENING and ATTRACTIVE to YOUNG WOMEN and KISSES him]
Bitchy GF: Whaaaaaaaaaa?
Michael Cera: Whaaaaaaaaaa?
Michael Cera's Gay Bandmates: Awesome! Now he can focus on another girl besides that bitch!!
[Michael Cera has a MEMORY or perhaps FANTASY about the Bitchy GF with a DUSTY SPRINGFIELD song]
Michael Cera: I'll never get over her! I'm too sensitive!
Kat Dennings' Friend: I'm so drunk!!
[she FALLS because of the DRUNKNESS]
Michael Cera's Gay Bandmates: Look, dude, we'll take the drunky, you go with this new hot girl and find Fluffy!!
Michael Cera and Kat Dennings: Uh...okay.
[they sit AWKWARDLY in his CAR and listen to a MIX CD he made]
Michael Cera [on CD, weeping]: So that's it, that's the breakup CD I made for you.*
Michael Cera: That's...not even real.*
[they DRIVE AROUND MANHATTAN in his YUGO and are INDIE FLIRTING and get mistaken for a CAB]
Michael Cera's Gay Bandmates: Dude, we lost the drunk girl.
Kat Dennings: Shit! Now our adventure to find Fluffy is an adventure to find my friend! Will this night get any crazier?!?!
[Kat Dennings' Friend goes to PORT AUTHORITY and BARFS in the TOILET, then drops her PHONE in the BARF, then drops her GUM in the BARF, then FISHES them out and USES the phone and CHEWS the GUM and it is GROSSSSSSSSS]
Kat Dennings: Well, I guess my friend is lost forever. We might as well go to Brooklyn Pool, where I will be able to easily get in ahead of the line, though I am 18. Perhaps there is something about me that you do not know.
[they go to UNION POOL, which is a REAL BAR that I have BEEN TO, but for some reason call it BROOKLYN POOL, probably so everyone knows they're in BROOKLYN]
Jay Baruchel: Sup, pretty lady!
[he FRENCHES her]
Michael Cera: Now I am sad.
[they THINK Where's Fluffy is there, but it is a TRICK and the HUNT is still ON]
Kat Dennings' Friend: I see Jesus! I see Jesus! And an altar boy with no pants!
Michael Cera's Gay Bandmates: She must be at that gay Christmas-themed burlesque show, obviously!
[they FIND her, FINALLY, and take her HOME]
Bitchy GF: Hi! I'm sitting on the hood of your car to show that I want to be back with you, which I didn't realize until I saw you with that other girl. Also, Kat Dennings, I heard you can't have an orgasm, because high school girls are totally known for their ability to orgasm.
Kat Dennings: I am shamed!
Michael Cera: I guess I'll go back to that bitch.
[everyone is SAD and INDIE]
Bitchy GF: Now I will dance to "You Sexy Thing" in an abandoned parking lot. This is the least indie thing ever.
[Michael Cera REMEMBERS how Kat Dennings is WAY BETTER than the Bitchy GF via a SINGLE MEMORY when he tousled her HAIR]
Michael Cera: Bitchy GF never lets me tousle her hair! I will just leave her in this abandoned parking lot.
[he DOES, and she is PISSED]
Kat Dennings: Sigh. I guess I'll just hook up with my stupid ex.
Jay Baruchel: Thanks, babe. I am not using you for your dad's music industry connections AT ALL.
[he TOTALLY is, and she FINALLY gets it]
Michael Cera: Sorry I was an ass.
Kat Dennings: Sorry we sort of hated each other, but then didn't. Here, have a pierogi.
[they SIT at VESELKA, which is DELICIOUS]
Kat Dennings: I know! Let's go somewhere secret.
[they go to her DAD'S MUSIC STUDIO because LO AND BEHOLD he is some sort of PRODUCER with CLOUT and has pictures with, like, ROCK STARS]
Kat Dennings: Yup. My dad's famous. Wanna lay down some tracks?
Michael Cera: Do I ever!!! But by "tracks," I hope you mean "you," because I would like to make out with you.
[they HAVE SEX, I guess, because she has an ORGASM which is RECORDED by the MIXING BOARD]
Michael Cera's Gay Bandmates: We found Fluffy! Let's go!!!
[they go to a ROOF somewhere in the EAST 60s and ALL the CHARACTERS are there a la a SHAKESPEARE PLAY when everything gets WRAPPED UP]
Kat Dennings: Ugh, these other characters are lame. Let's go.
[they go to PENN STATION, literally the LEAST ROMANTIC PLACE EVER]
Kat Dennings: Are you sad that you missed it?*
Michael Cera: I didn't miss it. This is it.*
[they get all INDIE and KISS on an ESCALATOR]

1 comment:

Kinslerbot said...

damn? I had high hopes for this one. Also, I reallllly wanted this to be *ed: But by "tracks," I hope you mean "you," because I would like to make out with you.