4.21.2009

I Love You, Man


When I heard about this movie, my first thought was: threeeeeeeeeee- wayyyyyyyyy. But now that I've seen it, my new thought is: fourrrrrrr- wayyyyyyyy (Rashida Jones is totally cute in it, even if she is relegated to the part of the Apatovian* woman who is less of a character than her male counterparts).

* post-F&G; Lindsay Weir (and Kim Kelly, for that matter) weren't like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[it is CALIFORNIA]
Paul Rudd: Marry me!
Rashida Jones: Okay! Let me call my friends on speakerphone about it!
Jaime Pressly: Yeah, girl, lock that tongue down!
Paul Rudd: Uh...that's...kind of private.
Rashida Jones: Ladies be knowing things, okay?
[they go to his FAMILY'S HOUSE for dinner]
Jane Curtin: He has no friends. Who's going to be his best man??
J.K. Simmons: I am everyone's hilarious dad now!
Andy Samberg: I'll help you find a friend, bro, instead of the obvious solution of HELLO I CAN BE YOUR BEST MAN. Also, I'm gay, but I talk like a frat boy.
Paul Rudd: And I'm straight, but love The Devil Wears Prada. What a topsy-turvy world we live in!
[Paul Rudd goes on some MAN-DATES that are all UNSUCCESSFUL due to HILARIOUS MIX-UPS]
Jaime Pressly: Invite my friend's fiance to your poker game or I will withhold sex from you, because women hate sex and married people are miserable and everyone can only be happy hanging out with their friends.
Jon Favreau: Ugh, I don't want to hang out with him.
Paul Rudd: I won! I won at a beer game! In your fa-
[he PROJECTILE VOMITS in Favreau's FACE and it is AWESOME]
Paul Rudd: All I want to do is find a best man and sell Lou Ferrigno's house. Sigh.
[he holds an OPEN HOUSE at Lou Ferrigno's, LITTLE KNOWING that this act would help him reach BOTH GOALS]
Jason Segel: Sweet sandwiches, dude. Props on the garlic aioli. Good luck selling the house.
Paul Rudd: Oh...my...god. He's so cool.
[they get some BREWSKIS and HANG like BROS]
Jason Segel: See you later, Pistol Pete.
Paul Rudd: Catch you on the flip side, Jobin.*
[he says some more NONSENSICAL THINGS because he is MAN-SMITTEN with Jason Segel, but you still want to have his BABIES]
Rashida Jones: So? Do you like him? Also, why are you spending so much time with him? Now that you have a friend, I am shrill and overbearing.
Paul Rudd: But! I! you said! Gah! Women are crazy!!
Jason Segel: Don't worry about it, dude, let's just play some Rush.
[they ROCK OUT and are SHIRTLESS and Paul Rudd says "Slappa da bass" a MILLION TIMES and it is AMAZING]
Paul Rudd: I feel like I can tell you anything. Hey! Maybe this is what it's like to have a friend!!
Jason Segel: Totes, duder.
[he gives a SPEECH that is a THINLY-VEILED PLEA for MORE BLOWJOBS on the part of Rashida Jones]
Rashida Jones: Um...what did you tell him??
Paul Rudd: I just - you did the same thing! Women are so crazy!! And demanding!!
Jason Segel: Hey, can I borrow $8,000?
Paul Rudd: No. Okay, yes.
Rashida Jones: You - WHAT?! This is ridiculous. I'm leaving to cool off.
[Jason Segel uses the MONEY to buy a bunch of BILLBOARD SPACE with HILARIOUS SLOGANS like "Who's the best realtor?/I am, biatch."]
Paul Rudd: Nooo! My career is ruined! My relationship is ruined! We are not friends anymore!
Jason Segel: Fine, broheim.
[Paul Rudd SELLS Lou Ferrigno's HOUSE because everyone LOVES the BILLBOARDS]
Rashida Jones: I forgive you. Let's get married.
[OBVIOUSLY, she calls Jason Segel and he SHOWS UP and is the BEST MAN]
Paul Rudd: I love you, man.*
[they get BROMANTIC and Rashida Jones DOESN'T MIND because she is an AWESOME WIFE who understands that BROS need their BROS]
Jason Segel: Let's play some more Rush, bro.

4 comments:

BeckEye said...

I love that movie, man. I mean, lady. And I love your ultra-condensed version of it. Mostly because you included "Jobin."

And Paul Rudd's sperm is for fertilizing MY eggs. Back off.

Movie Maven said...

There's enough Rudd for everyone!

John Das Binky said...

While I dug this movie a whole lot, I'm mildly annoyed that it got Rush songs in my head for a week.

Totally with you on the Judge Reinhold = Jason Segal.

Totally... totes my goats.

Laurie Stark said...

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Also, why does ever word verification make me want to play Balderdash? Today's word: farchest. As in, "This review is the FARCHEST."

Ew.