4.21.2009

I Love You, Man


When I heard about this movie, my first thought was: threeeeeeeeeee- wayyyyyyyyy. But now that I've seen it, my new thought is: fourrrrrrr- wayyyyyyyy (Rashida Jones is totally cute in it, even if she is relegated to the part of the Apatovian* woman who is less of a character than her male counterparts).

* post-F&G; Lindsay Weir (and Kim Kelly, for that matter) weren't like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[it is CALIFORNIA]
Paul Rudd: Marry me!
Rashida Jones: Okay! Let me call my friends on speakerphone about it!
Jaime Pressly: Yeah, girl, lock that tongue down!
Paul Rudd: Uh...that's...kind of private.
Rashida Jones: Ladies be knowing things, okay?
[they go to his FAMILY'S HOUSE for dinner]
Jane Curtin: He has no friends. Who's going to be his best man??
J.K. Simmons: I am everyone's hilarious dad now!
Andy Samberg: I'll help you find a friend, bro, instead of the obvious solution of HELLO I CAN BE YOUR BEST MAN. Also, I'm gay, but I talk like a frat boy.
Paul Rudd: And I'm straight, but love The Devil Wears Prada. What a topsy-turvy world we live in!
[Paul Rudd goes on some MAN-DATES that are all UNSUCCESSFUL due to HILARIOUS MIX-UPS]
Jaime Pressly: Invite my friend's fiance to your poker game or I will withhold sex from you, because women hate sex and married people are miserable and everyone can only be happy hanging out with their friends.
Jon Favreau: Ugh, I don't want to hang out with him.
Paul Rudd: I won! I won at a beer game! In your fa-
[he PROJECTILE VOMITS in Favreau's FACE and it is AWESOME]
Paul Rudd: All I want to do is find a best man and sell Lou Ferrigno's house. Sigh.
[he holds an OPEN HOUSE at Lou Ferrigno's, LITTLE KNOWING that this act would help him reach BOTH GOALS]
Jason Segel: Sweet sandwiches, dude. Props on the garlic aioli. Good luck selling the house.
Paul Rudd: Oh...my...god. He's so cool.
[they get some BREWSKIS and HANG like BROS]
Jason Segel: See you later, Pistol Pete.
Paul Rudd: Catch you on the flip side, Jobin.*
[he says some more NONSENSICAL THINGS because he is MAN-SMITTEN with Jason Segel, but you still want to have his BABIES]
Rashida Jones: So? Do you like him? Also, why are you spending so much time with him? Now that you have a friend, I am shrill and overbearing.
Paul Rudd: But! I! you said! Gah! Women are crazy!!
Jason Segel: Don't worry about it, dude, let's just play some Rush.
[they ROCK OUT and are SHIRTLESS and Paul Rudd says "Slappa da bass" a MILLION TIMES and it is AMAZING]
Paul Rudd: I feel like I can tell you anything. Hey! Maybe this is what it's like to have a friend!!
Jason Segel: Totes, duder.
[he gives a SPEECH that is a THINLY-VEILED PLEA for MORE BLOWJOBS on the part of Rashida Jones]
Rashida Jones: Um...what did you tell him??
Paul Rudd: I just - you did the same thing! Women are so crazy!! And demanding!!
Jason Segel: Hey, can I borrow $8,000?
Paul Rudd: No. Okay, yes.
Rashida Jones: You - WHAT?! This is ridiculous. I'm leaving to cool off.
[Jason Segel uses the MONEY to buy a bunch of BILLBOARD SPACE with HILARIOUS SLOGANS like "Who's the best realtor?/I am, biatch."]
Paul Rudd: Nooo! My career is ruined! My relationship is ruined! We are not friends anymore!
Jason Segel: Fine, broheim.
[Paul Rudd SELLS Lou Ferrigno's HOUSE because everyone LOVES the BILLBOARDS]
Rashida Jones: I forgive you. Let's get married.
[OBVIOUSLY, she calls Jason Segel and he SHOWS UP and is the BEST MAN]
Paul Rudd: I love you, man.*
[they get BROMANTIC and Rashida Jones DOESN'T MIND because she is an AWESOME WIFE who understands that BROS need their BROS]
Jason Segel: Let's play some more Rush, bro.

4 comments:

BeckEye said...

I love that movie, man. I mean, lady. And I love your ultra-condensed version of it. Mostly because you included "Jobin."

And Paul Rudd's sperm is for fertilizing MY eggs. Back off.

Movie Maven said...

There's enough Rudd for everyone!

John A said...

While I dug this movie a whole lot, I'm mildly annoyed that it got Rush songs in my head for a week.

Totally with you on the Judge Reinhold = Jason Segal.

Totally... totes my goats.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Also, why does ever word verification make me want to play Balderdash? Today's word: farchest. As in, "This review is the FARCHEST."

Ew.