Days of Our Lives Guy: Oh no! I'm too inexperienced a miner to be working down here! Sorry!!
[five guys DIE as a result of his INEPTITUDE and one guy goes into a COMA]
Coma Guy: It's Valentine's Day. I'm awake. And I want REVENGE.
[he KILLS a bunch of people with a PICKAXE because he is a MINER, but not the ONE GUY he SHOULD have killed]
Days of Our Lives Guy: Oh well. I guess I'll move away from here to escape my unresolved issues about the mine.
[TEN YEARS later]
Days of Our Lives Guy: Hey. I'm back.
Jaime King: Oh. Hey. Do you still have feelings for me, your ex-girlfriend, though I am married to your best friend now?
Days of Our Lives Guy: You got me. I do.
The Gay Dude from Dawson's Creek: Suck on that! I married your girl!
[people start getting MURDERED...in 3D]
Days of Our Lives Guy: Uh oh. These murders are suspiciously like the ones that happened ten years ago, after I caused that mine accident. Perhaps...perhaps they're related somehow!
[something SCARY and/or 3D occurs]
A Black Character: Oh god! I'm killed!
Days of Our Lives Guy: We need to stop this maniac.
[they REALIZE that the MANIAC is his BEST FRIEND, whose FATHER was killed in the EARLIER MASSACRE]
The Gay Dude from Dawson's Creek: That's right! It was me all along! I hold you responsible for my father's death, however indirectly you may have caused it! Now DIE!
[they have an EPIC BATTLE and hopefully a 3D MINE CART CHASE that ends with the GOOD GUYS alive and the BAD GUY dead]
Days of Our Lives Guy: Now I can be with you.
Jaime King: Yes! And we won't have any weird relationship issues at all.
[they MAKE OUT...in 3D]