[it is NEW JERSEY]
Kevin James: I just want to be a cop, you guys!
Other Cops: Ya too fat!
[they LAUGH at him]
Kevin James: But...I'm kind of hilarious on King of Queens. Oh, well. I'll just go be a mall cop.
[he GUARDS the mall with a humorous level of SERIOUSNESS]
Terrorists: Okay, we're taking over this mall!
Kevin James: It's my chance to show everyone what I can do!
[he gets into a number of AMUSING situations involving PRATFALLS and other types of PHYSICAL HUMOR]
Terrorists: You have won, fat man.
Charlie from Ugly Betty: You have impressed me with your mall guarding prowess, and even though I am 15 years younger than you, and I am way, way hotter, now I love you.
Other Cops: Also, you can now be a real cop, because you have proven yourself.
Bobby Cannavale: I'm attractive.
Kevin James: Hooray! But now that I have learned about myself, I'd rather stay a mall cop than become a real cop. Wait, no, that is really, really stupid. Real cop it is!