[it is NEW YORK]
Anne Heche: My, my, my! My life is so busy! Busy all the time! Busy like one of those little animals in a Richard Scarry book!!
David Schwimmer: But honey...I got us tickets to a remote island vacation. To de-stress you.
Allison Janney: And he already approved it with me, your boss!
Anne Heche: Yes! This is exactly what my life needs!
[they go to TAHITI and have to go on a TINY PLANE to get to the REMOTE ISLAND]
Harrison Ford: Well, hey there. Need a ride?
[the PLANE drips some OIL]
Anne Heche: Uh...
Harrison Ford: We're your only option.
David Schwimmer: Is there a PROBLEM here? Could I BE more neurotic? Oh, wait, no, that's Matthew Perry's intonation. I get him and me mixed up sometimes.
Harrison Ford: Let's go! I am a cocky, cocky pilot, with a hot, hot girlfriend!
Anne Heche: I am amused by you.
[they go to the island WITHOUT INCIDENT]
Anne Heche: It is so nice to sit here and relax without the cares of the world!
Harrison Ford: Hello, pretty lady...
[he FALLS off his BAR STOOL]
Anne Heche: Okay, great. Now we have established that a) you are attracted to me and b) you are not to be trusted. Let's get the goddamn plot going.
Allison Janney: Oh! That's my whole purpose! Spurring the plot! Yes! Okay. You need to go to a photo shoot. Just for a day. You're the closest one. And to make this extremely 90s, the photo shoot is with Evander Holyfield and Vendela! VENDELA!
Anne Heche: But...this means I have to get a ride with the drunken, leering pilot. God.
Harrison Ford: $700? I'll do it. I'm the best you've ever been with.*
Anne Heche: Ha. A sexual innuendo. How droll.
[they get LOST in a STORM and CRASH on a DIFFERENT, REMOTER island]
Anne Heche: Even though we are in a seriously life-threatening situation, I am going to act like a harpy!
Harrison Ford: And I will vacillate between hating you and being seriously attracted to you!
[she gets a SNAKE in her PANTS and although she could LITERALLY DIE from being bitten by it, it is used as a CUTE ENCOUNTER]
Harrison Ford: I think there's a beacon on this mountain.
[they CLIMB it and there is NO BEACON]
Anne Heche: Look! A boat!
[it is PIRATES]
Anne Heche: Wait, pirates? Like, pirates pirates?
[they get CHASED by the PIRATES]
Harrison Ford: Nothing quite gets me going like being chased by pirates. Though we are in danger for our lives, let's have a romantic evening.
Anne Heche: But we can never be together.
Harrison Ford: Oh well. Let's bone anyway.
[meanwhile, on the LESS REMOTE ISLAND]
David Schwimmer: My fiancee is missing!! We must find her!!
Harrison Ford's Hot Girlfriend: Yes! And my man is also missing!
David Schwimmer: Maybe we can comfort each other.
[predictably, they BONE]
David Schwimmer: Now I am racked with guilt, an emotion I play with Olivier-like intensity and Pauly-Shore-like skill.
[back on the MORE REMOTE ISLAND]
Harrison Ford: Look! Pontoons! We can rig our plane with pontoons and fly to safety, though the radio is busted and we don't know where we are!
[there is a FIXING THE PLANE MONTAGE]
Anne Heche: The pirates! Let's go!
[they FLY back, just as their LOVED ONES are having a FUNERAL for them]
Anne Heche: Well, bye.
Harrison Ford: Yeah...bye.
[he thinks BETTER of his DECISION and RUNS to the AIRPORT, where she is ON THE PLANE for HOME but has DE-PLANED just in TIME and they are HAPPY because when you RUN to the AIRPORT to TELL someone you LOVE them, you live HAPPILY ever AFTER]