[it is SOME CITY]
Jane Seymour: Why won't my husband look at me? I'm so hot! And my hair is so very long!
[she OVERHEARS him having PHONE SEX with someone with a SEXY VOICE]
Jane Seymour: I will make him a fine meal to attract him back to me!! Let me get some meat out of our luxurious walk-in freezer.
[he is a NO-SHOW for DINNER]
Jane Seymour: Honey? Are you in here?
[she HEARS a TAPED conversation between HIM and the SEXY VOICE in which some BAD THING has BEFALLEN him]
Jane Seymour: Police! I need your help! My husband has been missing for 4 hours! And I heard this phone sex tape of him getting killed or something!
Police: Ha! Go away! You are crazy!
Parker Stevenson: I overheard you saying that your husband is missing, and I think this thing is bigger than both of us realize. Please let me help you. I am a private investigator.
Jane Seymour: No! I don't trust you!
[she FINDS the SEXY VOICE, which belongs to a HOOKER]
The Aunt From Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the One That is Not Caroline Rhea: I don't know your husband. Wait, yes I do. Can you trust me? I don't know. I am too sexy.
[they INVESTIGATE for a while]
Sabrina's Aunt: You cannot trust that private investigator.
Parker Stevenson: You cannot trust that hooker.
Jane Seymour: I don't know who to trust!!!
[she SLEEPS with the PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR]
Parker Stevenson: You can trust me! See?
Jane Seymour: I still don't know!! What about my husband?! AAAA!!
Sabrina's Aunt: Let's go to your house and then go talk to the police.
Parker Stevenson: Don't trust her! She killed your husband, which I just figured out by bugging her phone!
Sabrina's Aunt: Yes. I am crazy. And I now have a cleaver.
Jane Seymour: I will escape from you! By hiding in my bathroom!
[she RUNS AWAY for like FIFTEEN MINUTES because she keeps having OBSTACLES]
Jane Seymour: I can't seem to open the front door of my own house, though this has literally never happened in real life! I know - I'll hide in our walk-in freezer.
[she DISCOVERS the BODY of her HUSBAND and it is TERRIFYING]
Sabrina's Aunt: AAAAA I WILL KILL YOU!!
Parker Stevenson: No way, bitch.
[he KILLS her and everything is COOL]