...as opposed to "say anything," which is actually good.
[it is AMERICA]
Nastassja Kinski: My husband is unemployed and listless. I feel very vulnerable right now.
Her Husband: I'm so useless. I'm just going to lay on the couch.
Her Friend: Here, have these tickets to a spa vacation! In sunny Miami!
Her Husband: I don't want to go. I'm too listless.
Nastassja Kinski: Well, I'll go by myself, then!
Billy Baldwin: Yes, I'm aware that I am a poor man's version of my brother, but what is a made-for-television movie if not a poor man's version of, well, everything? Have dinner with me.
Nastassja Kinski: No. Well, okay.
[they have DINNER and, eventually, SEX, to the strains of that DAAAAAAMN I WISH I WAS YOUR LOVAH** song]
Nastassja Kinski: Oh, the guilt!!
[she goes HOME, but feels TERRIBLE]
Her Husband: I got a job! I'm a man again! Oh, look! It's my new boss!
Billy Baldwin: Hello.
[DAMN I WISH I WAS YOUR LOVAH plays again]
Nastassja Kinski: Oh. I. I have never met you before. Gah! The guilt!!!
[she CANNOT TELL ANYONE because she is TOO GUILTY]
Billy Baldwin: You know, I hired your husband to get to you.
Nastassja Kinski: You are scary!!
[she DISCOVERS that he is behind BASICALLY EVERYTHING in their NEW, NICE LIFE]
Nastassja Kinski: Billy Baldwin is trying to steal me from you!
Her Husband: Don't be so conceited! I mean, you're hot, but you're not that hot.
Billy Baldwin: Yes...you are.
[he POISONS her CHILD to drive a WEDGE between her HUSBAND and HER, while DAMN I WISH I WAS YOUR LOVAH plays]
Nastassja Kinski: I must find evidence!!
[she goes to his HOUSE and finds the PILLS]
Billy Baldwin: YOU WILL BE MINE!!
Her Husband: Not so fast! I have recently figured out that you are evil, even though my wife has been telling me so all along! And now I will take you down!
[they get into a CAR CHASE]
Nastassja Kinski: You know what to do, right?*
Her Husband: Yes.*
[they LEAP from their CAR and allow it to PLUMMET off the SIDE of a CLIFF, proving that SOME COUPLES really are PSYCHIC]
Billy Baldwin: Nooooooooo!! Oh wait, you're still here.
[they get into a HUGE FIGHT but he ends up DEAD]
Nastassja Kinski: The moral of the story: never treat yourself to a spa vacation, especially when you are as hot as I am.
**I wrote this like I didn't know who sang this song, but sadly - this is not the case. I know. Oh, I know. It is my secret shame.