[it is 1969]
4 Happy Friends: OMG WE R GOING 2 B FRIENDS 4EVERRRRRRRR
[25 years LATER]
Stockard Channing: My husband left me for a younger woman, and I don't have any friends anymore! Peace out, world.
[she JUMPS off her BUILDING, which is TALL because she is RICH]
Bette Midler: My husband left me for a younger woman because I'm fat!
Goldie Hawn: My husband left me for a younger woman even though I'm not fat!
Diane Keaton: My husband still loves me! Oh, wait, no, he's in love with my therapist.
[they BITCH for a while, then decide to get REVENGE]
Bette Midler: Take that, Dan Hedaya and Sarah Jessica Parker!
Goldie Hawn: Take that, Victor Garber and Elizabeth Berkeley!
Diane Keaton: Take that, Dad From Seventh Heaven and...Marcia Gay Harden? What the fuck are you doing in this movie?
[they get SOME revenge and then have a FIGHT so that the movie is not as BORING, but then they are FRIENDS again]
All Three: We are opening a women's center to honor our dead friend.
[they sing YOU DON'T OWN ME, because YOU DON'T]