9.06.2008

Pineapple Express


[it is CLARK COUNTY]
Seth Rogen: I am perfect for the job of process server, because I am schlumpy and easy to forget. Also I have many costumes in my trunk. Off to serve some subpoenas!!
[he just SITS in his CAR and SMOKES POT]
Seth Rogen: You've been served, dude.
[he goes to visit his GIRLFRIEND who is in HIGH SCHOOL which seems like it might be a SECURITY ISSUE]
Girlfriend: You HAVE to come to dinner with my parents! Whine whine whine! I'm cute! What am I doing with you?You're lame! Wait, no I love you.
Random Hot High School Dude: Let's go suck today's dick!*
Seth Rogen: Aaaaaaa, I feel insecure because I am chubby and these high school dudes are not. Better go buy some pot.
James Franco: Man! You're here! I got some real good shit for you, man. Let's just hang out, dude. Let's just HANG and be BROS.
Seth Rogen: Uh...okay.
[he hangs for like A SECOND]
Seth Rogen: Okaybyethanksfortheweedseeyoulaterman!!!
[he goes to SERVE a SUBPOENA but instead sees a BRUTAL MURDER]
Seth Rogen: SHIT!!! I gotta get out of here! And get rid of this roach!
[he goes to JAMES FRANCO'S HOUSE because he's FREAKIN OUT]
James Franco: No, it's cool, man, they can't figure out who you are.
Seth Rogen: Oh shit! I threw the roach on the ground, thus making it possible for them to trace it to you, and you to me. We gotta go!
[they go into the WOODS and SMASH their PHONES and it is HILARIOUS]
Bill Lumbergh: We must find this contract killer, whom I have identified from this roach.
Rosie Perez: I am Hispanic, and amusing.
Darryl from the Office: I am black, but sort of gay. You will laugh at this. Also, I am a thug.
Red, the Middleman: Please don't threaten me, black man! I will give up my dealer friend.
James Franco: Will you help me, middleman?
Red: Sure. Oh, wait, no, I will betray you instead.
Seth Rogen: Fine, then. I will belie my Jewish, mild-mannered exterior by KICKING YOUR ASS.
[they have THE MOST AWESOME FIGHT IN THE UNIVERSE]
James Franco: We're friends, right? RIGHT?!?
Seth Rogen: Uh...let's go to my girlfriend's house.
Ed Begley, Jr.: Fuck you guys! You can't date my daughter! Get out of my house! And my car!
[the girlfriend STABS James Franco with a FORK]
Nora Dunn: Seriously, go away. You are endangering us.
[they have a BUNCH more SHENANIGANS that involve STEALING a POLICE CAR, selling POT to CHILDREN, and SLUSHEES]
James Franco: You're a jerk!
Seth Rogen: Fine!
[James Franco gets CAPTURED by the DRUG DEALERS and taken to their HIDEOUT]
Seth Rogen: I'll save you, buddy! The guilt about not saying you were my friend is wracking me! WRACKING ME!
Red, the Middleman: I'll help you now. Oh, wait, I won't. [he holds up an ADORABLE GUN] This is the little gun I used when I was a prostitute.*
[they have the most BROMANTIC MOMENT IN EXISTENCE when they HUG while HANDCUFFED]
James Franco: You're my BFFF.*
Seth Rogen: Best fuckin' friend forever.*
[they DEFEAT the DRUG DEALERS through LUCK and BROMANCE]
Seth Rogen: Remember how awesome we were?
James Franco: My leg went through the windshield!!*
Red, the Middleman: Let's get a best friends necklace, but with three pieces, instead of two.*
[everyone is either REALLY HAPPY/STONED or DEAD]

1 comment:

Emily Sue said...

Red was my favorite.