[it is 1996]
Sylvester Stallone: I'm a cop who plays by his own rules!! I'll find this psychopath my own way!
Wesley Snipes: You can tell I'm crazy because I have an insane outfit on!! And I have platinum blonde hair! But I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached!*
Sylvester Stallone: I will remember that for later, so I can make your death extremely ironic.
[they FIGHT and it is AWESOME and ends in a FUCKING HUGE EXPLOSION that doesn't kill EITHER of them]
Some Random: We found all the bodies of the hostages in the wreckage of the burning building! This is all your fault, Stallone! You are sentenced to cryogenic freezing prison, which we have here in 1996!
[he gets FROZEN in an ELABORATE SEQUENCE and is totally NAKED]
[it is NOW 2032]
Sandra Bullock: Life is so peaceful now, and even though our new, peaceful society only started 20 years ago, no one seems to remember how things were back then. Except me! I have a poster of Lethal Weapon in my office!
[the police get an ALERT on their SOPHISTICATED COMPUTER that someone has been KILLED at the prison after Wesley Snipes got UNFROZEN]
Every Cop: Though we have this sophisticated computer, we don't know how to fight crime! Our society is so peaceful!
Sandra Bullock: I'm the only one who knows how to use this computer!
[she DOES something and sends some COPS to find the KILLER]
Wesley Snipes: Hmm! I somehow have amassed all sorts of fighting knowledge! And passwords to things all around the city! And the desire to kill Denis Leary!
[he KILLS some MORE people while making HILARIOUS QUIPS]
Sandra Bullock: Maybe we should capture this psycho the way they did back in the day. Let's unfreeze Sylvester Stallone!
[they DO and he is CONFUSED]
Sylvester Stallone: What the fuck is going on here?
Wall-Mounted Citation Machine: You have been fined one credit for the violation of the verbal morality act. No one can swear in the future.
Rob Schneider: I'm in this movie to make a hilarious joke about how we use three seashells instead of toilet paper.
[they all go to a MUSEUM because there are GUNS and, inexplicably, AMMO there, so that there can be ANOTHER SHOOT-OUT]
Leader of the Peaceful City: My plan to kill the leader of the revolution by conditioning an already-psycho cryogenically frozen criminal to be a human killing machine is going awry! Nooooo!! I shall lull this Neanderthal who is undermining my authority into submission by inviting him to a fancy dinner at Taco Bell! In the future, ALL restaurants are Taco Bell!
Sandra Bullock: Let's listen to some oldies!
[they LISTEN to the Armor Hot Dogs JINGLE]
Sandra Bullock: I've been reading all about the 20th century in the Schwarzenegger Presidential Library!
1993 Audience: Ha ha! The thought of Arnold Schwarzenegger being elected to public office is hilarious!
Sandra Bullock: Want to have sex? We use these helmets, because in the future, we can't swap fluids.
Sylvester Stallone: The future is too crazy!!
[somehow, they FIGURE OUT that Wesley Snipes has been CONDITIONED to kill the UNDERWORLD leader, so they go to WARN him]
Denis Leary: Fuck you, pigs!!
[they EARN his TRUST in some way]
Denis Leary: Okay, we'll help you fight the psycho killer.
[meanwhile, Wesley Snipes has KILLED the peaceful society LEADER DUDE, and gotten a bunch of his CRONIES unfrozen]
Wesley Snipes: It was so easy to take over this peaceful society!
Sylvester Stallone: Not if I can help it.
[they BATTLE in the CRYOGENIC FACILITY for some reason, and Wesley Snipes gets FROZEN and Sylvester Stallone KNOCKS OFF his FROZEN HEAD]
Sylvester Stallone: Ha ha. Good thing I remembered that pithy thing you said at the beginning of the movie.
[everyone is HAPPY]