3.08.2008

Bring It On


In Germany, the title of this movie is Girls United, which totally doesn't make sense, since a) the squads are co-ed and b) they're so not united - hello, it's a movie about competition, which the original title completely evokes. In France, it is American Girls, which I suppose is a little better, since they are technically American (even if they're not all girls), but it's sort of like calling Taxi Driver "American Scary Guy" or Ordinary People "American Dysfunctional Family." Not the same ring to it, really.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[it is CALIFORNIA]
Kirsten Dunst: Yessssss! I just got named captain of the cheer squad! And my boyfriend is totally hot, and now he's a college guy! Wooooooo! With my can-do attitude, nothing can go wrong!
[one of the other CHEERLEADERS breaks her LEG]
Kirsten Dunst: Shit! Now we have to replace her!
[they have a TRYOUT MONTAGE]
Eliza Dushku: Look, I really want to be on the gymnastics squad, but this is your only option at this idiot school.
Other Cheerleaders: Ewwwww! You're brunette! And different! We hate you!
Kirsten Dunst: Hey guys, give her a break! With my can-do attitude and her skills, we could really go places!
[she goes to Eliza Dushku's HOUSE to get her to JOIN and sees her HOT BROTHER, whom she met in CLASS]
Jesse Bradford: I'm not like the cheerleader guys. Note how I wear many 80s band t-shirts, something no cheerleader would ever do.
Kirsten Dunst: I know I'm not supposed to like you, but I kind of do. Now, where's your sister?
[she CONVINCES Eliza Dushku to join the TEAM, though it is SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE for them to be FRIENDS]
Eliza Dushku: Um...these cheers are all stolen.
[they drive to SOUTH CENTRAL and see some BLACK TEENS doing the SAME cheers, only more URBAN and COOL]
Gabrielle Union: Get the FUCK outta my gym, white girl! Tell your red-headed friend she ain't welcome either!
Kirsten Dunst: Oh no! All of our routines were stolen from these obviously more-talented urban youths! What shall we do?!?!
Eliza Dushku: Sleep over at my house and we'll figure something out.
Jesse Bradford: Heyyyyyyyyy.
Kirsten Dunst: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
[they BRUSH their TEETH for, like, TWENTY MINUTES and you can TELL they totally DIG each other]
Kirsten Dunst: Okay, executive decision. We'll just keep doing the cheers that the former captain stole from those rather intimidating black cheerleaders!
[they CHEER at a FOOTBALL game and the BLACK TEENS totally BUST them and Kirsten Dunst has CHEER SEX with Jesse Bradford]
The Team: This is terrible! Now what? LEAD US, KIRSTEN! Only your can-do attitude will save us now!
[they hire the CRAZIEST CHOREOGRAPHER EVER who is MEAN and insults their ASSES and FACES]
Sparky Pulastri: Those aren't spirit fingers! THESE are spirit fingers!*
[they learn the WORST ROUTINE EVER and are SHAMED at the regionals]
Gabrielle Union: Ha HA! So much for your weak-ass suburban selves!
Kirsten Dunst: Shoot. Well, we get to go to the finals for some reason anyway. With my can-do attitude and a little hard work, we can make a really great routine for finals!
[they learn a BUNCH of different styles of DANCE, including some from SWEET CHARITY]
Kirsten Dunst: We did it, you guys!
Gabrielle Union: Yeah, but we beat you.
Kirsten Dunst: I respect you as a colleague, for your squad has bested mine.
Gabrielle Union: Whatevs.
[everyone DANCES to "Mickey"]

3 comments:

Nicky said...

a big thank you for doing a review of one of the best movies of all time

Movie Maven said...

I had a sudden, horrible realization after seeing part of it on TV that I had not yet done it. The toothbrushing scene ALONE is worth a mention. You're very welcome.

BeckEye said...

I am not at all ashamed to say that I absolutely love this movie. I watch it every time it's on, which is a lot. I have a major crush on Jesse Bradford and a bit of a lesbian crush on Eliza Dushku.