So I was perusing some blog entries from 2003 while "working" today, and I found this little gem. It hearkens back to a time when these really were "ultra-condensed" and not just "condensed."
Narrator: Hey, audience, let me read to you directly from the novel, since the screenwriter was LAZY.
Daniel Day-Lewis: I am going to marry Winona Ryder, but I love her cousin, Michelle Pfeiffer.
Michelle Pfeiffer: I'm her cousin. I'm scandalous. Society shuns me.
Society: Shun! Shun! Shun!
Daniel Day-Lewis: I will marry Winona Ryder, but not before I kiss you, Michelle Pfeiffer.
Michelle Pfeiffer: Ok. But you better marry her.
[time goes forward]
Daniel Day-Lewis: I'm only 57.
Robert Sean Leonard: Mom's dead. Dad, let's go see your old flame.
Daniel Day-Lewis: That's okay, son, I'll wait on this bench.