[it is SEATTLE in the 1980s]
John Cusack: You can tell I am a sensitive guy from the fact that I am friends with many girls. But why can't I be with the one girl I really want? Hey...maybe I'll just call her up and ask her out.
Ione Skye: You want to go out with me? But I'm the valedictorian that no one knows because I took so many college courses. But...ok.
[they go to a TYPICAL PARTY with KEGS and DRUNK TEENS]
Lili Taylor: I wrote a bunch of songs about my ex. And you're gonna hear them all, suckers!!!
[she sings BITTERLY]
Jeremy Piven: Waaaa! I'm drunk and I have a crazy hat on!! Gimme my keys!
John Cusack: Let's go. But watch out for that glass and don't step on it.
Ione Skye: You have proven to me that you are a good person. But I'm going to England soon!
John Cusack: Well, let's just hang out as much as possible until then.
Ione Skye: I know it's only our second date, but wanna meet my dad, with whom I have a very close and occasionally sort of weird relationship?
John Cusack: Hi. I'm a kickboxer...it's the sport of the future.
John Mahoney: I don't like the looks of you, but my daughter seems to like you.
[the DOORBELL rings]
The IRS: You're under criminal investigation for stealing from old people.
Ione Skye: Oh no! Another obstacle to our relationship!
[they DO IT in the CAR and it is SWEET]
John Cusack: I think I love her.
Lili Taylor: You should tell her.
John Cusack: I wrote her a letter.
Ione Skye: I got your letter.
John Cusack: I love you.
Ione Skye: Here's a pen.
John Cusack: I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen.*
[he DRIVES AROUND in the RAIN, recording a LETTER to his FRIEND on a TAPE RECORDER because there were NO CELL PHONES then]
John Cusack: The only solution to my problem is to make the most romantic gesture in the world, ever.
[he STANDS outside her WINDOW with a BOOMBOX over his head playing the SONG that was playing when they DID IT]
Ione Skye: Oh, my conflicted heart!
[she is COLD and does NOT go to the WINDOW]
Ione Skye: Okay, look, I have to go to England pretty soon, so let's figure this out. Did you steal that money, dad?
John Mahoney: No!
[she FINDS the money in an ORNAMENTAL THING]
Ione Skye: DID YOU STEAL THAT MONEY??
John Mahoney: No!!!
Ione Skye: Well, you're a liar. Bye.
[she goes to the KICKBOXING PLACE and DISTRACTS John Cusack and he gets HIT in the FACE]
Ione Skye: Okay, I love you now.
John Cusack: I don't care if I'm sloppy seconds to your dad.
[they go to the PRISON where her DAD is]
John Cusack: Here's a letter from your daughter.
John Mahoney: I don't understand why you're still in her life. You're a distraction.
John Cusack: Well, I'm the distraction that's going with her to England, sir.* BURRRRRRNNNNN!!
[they get on the PLANE and wait for the SMOKING SIGN to DING, because after the DING happens, you know EVERYTHING'S gonna be ALL RIGHT]