Far From Heaven

[it is CONNECTICUT in the 1950s]
Julianne Moore: La, la, la! How lovely it is to be a white housewife with a beautiful home and family! And with such wonderful dresses!
Dennis Quaid: I'm at the police station. Can you come bail me out?
Julianne Moore: Oh my! This must be some sort of misunderstanding! My husband would never drink too much! I will put it out of my mind. But - who is that in my garden?
President Palmer: Hello. I am the son of your gardener who died. Now I'll be your gardener. Also, I own a shop.
Julianne Moore: How lovely for you - and how progressive! A Negro business owner. I support that.
[the LOCAL PAPER prints an ARTICLE about her and how she is KIND to NEGROES]
Patricia Clarkson: I'm telling you - everyone, just everyone is talking about you! Must be swell!
Dennis Quaid: Hi. I have to stay late in the office. I hope you can accept that I work hard for this family and not complain about it, since you are so dutiful.
Julianne Moore: Well, of course I know you're really at the office.
[he goes to see THE THREE FACES OF EVE because he figures there will be GAYS there]
Julianne Moore: Perhaps I'll just bring your father some dinner.
[she finds him TOTALLY MAKING OUT with another DUDE and RUNS through the UNNECESSARILY DARK office building]
Julianne Moore: I-I don't understand! You're both...MEN! My world is shaken. But no matter. I shall gather myself and continue to project an aura of perfection. Darling, let's get you cured.
[they go to a PSYCHIATRIST who thinks the GAYNESS is a DISEASE because people in the FIFTIES were STUPID]
Julianne Moore: Well. Now that THAT'S out of the way...I shall now attend an art opening in my role as society wife.
[she meets the BLACK DUDE and they have a NICE CHAT that is MISCONSTRUED by SOCIETY]
Patricia Clarkson: I'm telling you - everyone, just everyone is talking about you! Must be awful!
Dennis Quaid: What's this I hear about you and a black man? That is equally as offensive to our repressive Connecticut society as two men together.
Julianne Moore: Oh, it's nothing. Let's talk about you, darling...are you better? I mean, with the homosexuality?
[he SMACKS her in the FACE]
Julianne Moore: He didn't mean it! HE DIDN'T MEAN IT!
Patricia Clarkson: What happened? I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND!! TELL ME!!!
Julianne Moore: Let me think of the most cliched excuse for domestic abuse, because really, I want you to figure this out, even though I cannot tell you directly because of the societal pressures and whatnot: I ran into a door.
President Palmer: Want to come buy some shrubs with me? I enjoy your company.
Julianne Moore: Why, yes. I think I would like that. Though we are of different races, I sense a connection between us.
[they go to a BLACK RESTAURANT and she is the ONLY WHITE PERSON and she LEARNS SOMETHING about LIFE while they DANCE]
All of Society: Hubbub! Hubbub!
Julianne Moore: Let's go on a trip, husband! Miami, maybe? My friends say it's all pink!
Dennis Quaid: Well...maybe we should reconsider, then!
Dennis Quaid: This trip was a great ide--well, hel-LO sailor!
[he EYES a young STUD and you can tell a GAY TRYST is IMMINENT]
Dennis Quaid: So...I want a divorce.
Julianne Moore: But - my life was so perfect!
The Maid: Oh, also, the little girl who got hit in the head with a rock earlier? That was your friend's daughter.
Julianne Moore: Oh my! Why is my life spiraling into an abyss? Damn you, society!!
[she RACES to President Palmer's HOUSE in the BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD]
President Palmer: I'm sorry, but we're moving. We can never, ever be together.
Julianne Moore: Can't we come along? No one would know us there. No one would see I was white!!
President Palmer: That...doesn't make any sense. We gotta go.
[he and his daughter LEAVE on a TRAIN as Julianne Moore PINES AWAY, wiser but NO HAPPIER for it]


*Jacob* said...

I have not seen this movie.

I want to see this movie.

This review is beyond hilarious.

Movie Maven said...

Why, thank you!

But, just to be clear: the movie? Not that hilarious. (Except for the hearty laughing at the gayness. That's pretty damn funny.)