1.17.2008

Juno

[it is MINNESOTA]

Ellen Page: I better get some more Sunny D to fuel my rapid-fire teenage wisecracks. Oh, and to make myself pee so I can test if I’m preggers.

Dwight from the Office: Hi! My whole role is in the trailer! I say “home skillet” like kids these days do! You’re pregs, sister.

[she goes HOME and calls her friend on a HAMBURGER PHONE because she is QUIRKY]

Ellen Page: Dude, I’m pregnant.

BFF: Are you sure it’s not just a food baby ?* I am youthful and talk irreverently about everything, even pregnancy.

Ellen Page: Seriously. I’m getting an abortion.

[she goes to a CLINIC but it is SKETCH and the girl tries to give her a BOYSENBERRY condom, though she is already PREGGERS]

Ellen Page: AAAAAAA! I can’t do this.

BFF: DUDE! You should give it away!! People need babies ALL the TIME!

[they find a CUTE couple in the PENNYSAVER and decide to MEET them]

Ellen Page: So…I’m pregnant.

J.K. Simmons: As your father, and one of the best character actors today, I am disappointed in you.

Allison Janney: I am the most hilarious woman in the world, and your stepmother. This is outrageous. Let me say that one more time so you can hear the Minnesota accent: OUTRAYYYYGEOUS.

[they GO to the McMANSION of the CUTE COUPLE and look HILARIOUSLY out-of-place]

Jennifer Garner: Omigod, I want a baby sooooooooooooo bad!!!!!!

Jason Bateman: Meh.

Ellen Page: Wow, the wife was kind of boring, but the husband is SO COOL!

[they HANG OUT and talk about MUSIC and HORROR MOVIES and things start to seem WEIRD, but only a LITTLE, but definitely WEIRD]

Ultrasound technician: So…you’re giving this baby up for adoption. Good thing.

Allison Janney: Oh HELLLLLL no!! You do NOT talk to my stepdaughter that way.

Everyone: BURNNNNN!!!

Michael Cera: So…I’m the adorably awkward father of your baby, huh? Who would have thought it, with these girly legs of mine?

Ellen Page: Listen, why don’t you go out with someone else? I was just super bored that day we did it.

[he DOES and she gets MAD, to the strains of INDIE ROCK]

Ellen Page: Fine! I’ll just go hang out with that cool husband!

[she DOES and he is MODERATELY CREEPY to the strains of OLD INDIE ROCK]

Jason Bateman: I’m leaving my wife! How cool am I?!?!

Ellen Page: Hold on…I am starting to see that being responsible is actually cooler than I thought.

Jennifer Garner: Nooooooo!!! She has my baby in her belly!! COME BACK!!

[Ellen Page SOBS on the side of the ROAD and has an EPIPHANY, causing her to leave a NOTE on a JIFFY LUBE receipt for Jennifer Garner]

Ellen Page: So, listen, I’ve been all weird lately. Here’s hundreds of TicTacs to say I’m sorry in the most quirkiest, adorablest way EVER. You’re, like the coolest person I know, and you don’t even try.*

Michael Cera: I try really hard, actually.*

Disillusioned Mini-Hipsters: I totally feel that way!! I DO try!

[Ellen Page goes into LABOR and Michael Cera RUNS to the hospital in his TRACK UNIFORM in order to be the MOST ADORABLY AWKWARD]

Jennifer Garner: Hi. I’m here for my baby. Thanks for giving him to me.

Allison Janney: That baby looks good on you.

[Ellen Page and Michael Cera play GUITARS because they are INDIE ROCK and ADORABLE and AWKWARD…or is it ROCKWARD?]

4 comments:

michael said...

Oh man. I've gone sufficiently native that I didn't even notice any accents.

And yeah, JK Simmons was totally awesome.

summerbl4ck said...

At least they didn't do the Fargo accents...

Movie Maven said...

My entire extended family has those accents. It's...rough.

humboldt honey said...

Yay! I noticed the accents! I even notice them when I talk to my parents! Yay for California! It's rubbing off on me a little bit!