Ellen Page: I better get some more Sunny D to fuel my rapid-fire teenage wisecracks. Oh, and to make myself pee so I can test if I’m preggers.
Dwight from the Office: Hi! My whole role is in the trailer! I say “home skillet” like kids these days do! You’re pregs, sister.
[she goes HOME and calls her friend on a HAMBURGER PHONE because she is QUIRKY]
Ellen Page: Dude, I’m pregnant.
BFF: Are you sure it’s not just a food baby ?* I am youthful and talk irreverently about everything, even pregnancy.
Ellen Page: Seriously. I’m getting an abortion.
[she goes to a CLINIC but it is SKETCH and the girl tries to give her a BOYSENBERRY condom, though she is already PREGGERS]
Ellen Page: AAAAAAA! I can’t do this.
BFF: DUDE! You should give it away!! People need babies ALL the TIME!
[they find a CUTE couple in the PENNYSAVER and decide to MEET them]
Ellen Page: So…I’m pregnant.
J.K. Simmons: As your father, and one of the best character actors today, I am disappointed in you.
Allison Janney: I am the most hilarious woman in the world, and your stepmother. This is outrageous. Let me say that one more time so you can hear the
[they GO to the McMANSION of the CUTE COUPLE and look HILARIOUSLY out-of-place]
Jennifer Garner: Omigod, I want a baby sooooooooooooo bad!!!!!!
Jason Bateman: Meh.
Ellen Page: Wow, the wife was kind of boring, but the husband is SO COOL!
[they HANG OUT and talk about MUSIC and HORROR MOVIES and things start to seem WEIRD, but only a LITTLE, but definitely WEIRD]
Ultrasound technician: So…you’re giving this baby up for adoption. Good thing.
Allison Janney: Oh HELLLLLL no!! You do NOT talk to my stepdaughter that way.
Michael Cera: So…I’m the adorably awkward father of your baby, huh? Who would have thought it, with these girly legs of mine?
Ellen Page: Listen, why don’t you go out with someone else? I was just super bored that day we did it.
[he DOES and she gets MAD, to the strains of INDIE ROCK]
Ellen Page: Fine! I’ll just go hang out with that cool husband!
[she DOES and he is MODERATELY CREEPY to the strains of OLD INDIE ROCK]
Jason Bateman: I’m leaving my wife! How cool am I?!?!
Ellen Page: Hold on…I am starting to see that being responsible is actually cooler than I thought.
Jennifer Garner: Nooooooo!!! She has my baby in her belly!! COME BACK!!
[Ellen Page SOBS on the side of the ROAD and has an EPIPHANY, causing her to leave a NOTE on a JIFFY LUBE receipt for Jennifer Garner]
Ellen Page: So, listen, I’ve been all weird lately. Here’s hundreds of TicTacs to say I’m sorry in the most quirkiest, adorablest way EVER. You’re, like the coolest person I know, and you don’t even try.*
Michael Cera: I try really hard, actually.*
Disillusioned Mini-Hipsters: I totally feel that way!! I DO try!
[Ellen Page goes into LABOR and Michael Cera RUNS to the hospital in his TRACK UNIFORM in order to be the MOST ADORABLY AWKWARD]
Jennifer Garner: Hi. I’m here for my baby. Thanks for giving him to me.
Allison Janney: That baby looks good on you.
[Ellen Page and Michael Cera play GUITARS because they are INDIE ROCK and ADORABLE and AWKWARD…or is it ROCKWARD?]