For real guys, one of the best things about this movie is the ending. If you're even considering seeing it (and I recommend that you do), DON'T READ THIS.~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[it is BOSTON...the SEEDY part]
Casey Affleck: Check it out. Here's my hood. I'm a private detective.
[many shots of REGULAR UGLY PEOPLE are shown to establish the REALNESS]
Amy Madigan: Help us! Our niece was kidnapped and her mother's a crack whore!
Extravagantly Mustachioed Uncle: We're fine, we don't need your help! The cops can handle it!!
Casey Affleck: Sure, we'll check it out. As the most beautiful people in this movie, we can get things done.
Michelle Monaghan: I don't know. Let me put on a hugely oversized sweatshirt and think about it.
Casey Affleck: How about this: we'll go to their apartment and think it over.
[they see an ADORABLE PICTURE of the little girl and she CAN'T REFUSE]
Casey Affleck: Pardon me, unsavory bar patrons. Do you have any information about this woman?
Steve "The Grecian Formula" Papadopoulos: Yeah, she was in here screwing some dude in the bathroom while her little girl was home alone. Now take your pretty selves out of our bar. You're ruinin' the atmosphere.
[they meet the COPS who are working the CASE, who are HARD-BOILED and GRUFF]
Ed Harris: Here's what we got. Some pedophile was released from prison, and he probably has her. But he likes boys, so that's kinda weird.
Casey Affleck: What about this dude the crack whore mom was screwing?
Ed Harris: I never heard a him.
[they go QUESTION the mother again as she drinks a WHOLE SIX-PACK]
Crack Whore Mom: I awready told ya everything I know!! Oh wait...I forgot about the dude I was screwing. And the money we stole from that crazy Haitian drug dealer named Cheese.
Amy Madigan: You are an abomination!*
[they go to the DUDE'S house and he is TOTALLY DEAD]
Crack Whore Mom: I hid the money in the backyard. I can have it now, right?
[they TRACK DOWN the crazy Haitian drug dealer at his POOL HALL HEADQUARTERS, though it is NOT LEGAL for them to deal with CRIMINALS in this manner]
Crazy Haitian Drug Dealer Named Cheese: I don't know nothin' about no girl. Now let me enjoy these drugs in peace.
[Casey Affleck gets a RANSOM NOTE and the little girl's BLANKIE]
Ed Harris: The head of the unit found us out! We're done for! He found this transcript of my phone call to the crazy Haitian drug dealer!
Casey Affleck: They want to trade us the girl for the money! Let's go to the dark quarry in the middle of the night with no backup and no publicity.
Michelle Monaghan: Maybe we should let the press know about this.
Morgan Freeman: As the head of this unit, and a respected cop, and a man who lost his child to a murderer, I'm going to say no. Just go to the dang quarry. In the dark.
[they GO and of course it ALL GOES AWRY]
Michelle Monaghan: She fell! She fell in the quarry lake!
[the little girl is declared DEAD and everyone is SAD]
News Bulletin: Another child has gone missing. A boy.
Casey Affleck's Buddy: I think I found that pedophile you were looking for.
[they RAID the pedophile's HOUSE and a cop gets SHOT and the little boy is DEAD and it's REALLY AWFUL]
See this big white space? There's text there. White text. If you REALLY want to keep reading, just highlight it with your cursor and you'll be able to see it. But I felt it was SO IMPORTANT not to spoil the amazing final act that I've made it invisible. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Ed Harris: Sometimes shit happens! I planted evidence once! Back in the day, when I used to use that dude that the crack whore mom was screwing as an informant!
Casey Affleck: Waaaaiiiiit a minute...you said you didn't know that guy.
[they QUESTION the extravagantly mustachioed uncle, who REVEALS that he and Ed Harris ORCHESTRATED the whole thing]
Extravagantly Mustachioed Uncle: She fell! She fell and it was an accident!
Ed Harris, in a crazy mask: I'm holding up this bar! And shooting you, you extravagantly mustachioed TRAITOR!!!
[the bartender PLUGS him before he can SHOOT the extravagantly mustachioed uncle]
Ed Harris: I love children.*
Casey Affleck: Why are you questioning me??? Why would I expose a conspiracy I was involved in?? I mean, we wouldn't have even gotten caught if there hadn't been a transcript of Cheese's phone call to the station.
Random Cop: We don't record calls to the station.
[Casey Affleck PUTS everything TOGETHER and goes to the WOODLAND RETREAT of Morgan Freeman, where he FINDS the little girl]
Morgan Freeman: [adopting a JAUNTY stance] What brings you here?
Casey Affleck: Give me the little girl, so she can go back to her mom.
Morgan Freeman: Her mother's a crack whore.
Casey Affleck: BUT SHE'S STILL HER MOM!!!
[Morgan Freeman gets ARRESTED and Casey Affleck's girlfriend HATES him]
Crack Whore Mom: K, I'm goin' on a date! See ya later, daughter who I thought was dead! Have fun with the TV!
Casey Affleck: Did you want someone to watch your kid?
Crack Whore Mom: Oh, right. Could you? Thaaaaaanks.
[Casey Affleck and the little girl WATCH CARTOONS in a SOMBER manner]
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