About Last Night...

[it is CHICAGO in the 1980’s]
Jim Belushi: [in MAMET-style dialogue] So I met a chick and we got it on in a freaky way in a hotel room.
Rob Lowe: [in MAMET-style dialogue] Sweet!
[this is the FIRST and ONLY indication that this MOVIE is ACTUALLY a MAMET play]
Demi Moore: I’m really enjoying watching this casual baseball game in the park. Hey, who’s that hottie?
Rob Lowe: Who’s that hottie?
[they MAKE EYES at each other OVER a KEG, where all GREAT romances BEGIN]
Jim Belushi: Come on, I invited those hot chicks wearing pleated shorts and ski sweaters to Mother’s!
[they go to MOTHER’S, which must have been COOL in the 1980’s]
Elizabeth Perkins: Ugh. Bars. Men. Let’s go home.
Rob Lowe: Hey…I totally noticed you checking me out.
Demi Moore: There’s a clock over your head.*
Rob Lowe: Burn!
[they GO back to HIS place and GET IT ON]
Rob Lowe: Hey…I somehow have your work number memorized. I wanted to talk to you about last night.
Demi Moore: Oh, I want to talk to you too. I’m really not such a slut. We can never see each other again.
[ten MINUTES later]
Demi Moore: Ooops. I seem to have fallen on your penis.
Demi Moore and Rob Lowe: Can this casual sex become…a relationship???
[there are many MONTAGES of them HANGING out in CHICAGO to a THROBBING pop score]
Elizabeth Perkins: Hey best friend, thanks for bailing on me.
Demi Moore: By the way, I’m moving in with Rob Lowe.
Elizabeth Perkins: I give you two months.*
Jim Belushi: Let’s go to Mother’s and get wasted!!! WOOOO!
Rob Lowe: Um…can’t. I am whipped.
Jim Belushi: BETRAYAL!!!
[he SCHEMES in MANY obnoxious WAYS to break them up]
Rob Lowe: My boss is an asshole! Grump grump grump.
Demi Moore: I wish you would open up to me when you’re sad!!!
[she FREAKS out, cause she is the GIRL]
Rob Lowe: I kind of miss chasing tail.
[he has COMMITMENT problems, cause he is the BOY]
Rob Lowe: Never mind. I love you.
Jim Belushi: You said WHAT?!?!?
[it is THANKSGIVING]
Demi Moore: Let’s have our asshole friends over for a tense and awkward Thanksgiving dinner.
Rob Lowe: Why do you always have to defeat me???
[they BITCH again, some MORE]
Demi Moore: Come on, it’s New Year’s. I’m wearing my best blazer with shoulder pads/bolo tie combo. Let’s go to that shitty bar.
[they get in ANOTHER huge FUCKING FIGHT and break up, cause she is a SHREW and he is super SELFISH]
Jim Belushi: Sweet, you’re back, hetero life-partner! Let’s get some booty!
Elizabeth Perkins: Welcome back to my bitter, bitter arms, friend.
Rob Lowe/Demi Moore: You are an asshole, best friend!
Rob Lowe: I changed my mind! I love her!
[he RUNS in the RAIN, as this is a ROMANCE]
Demi Moore: Gah! I hate you! Get away from me!
[it is SPRING]
Rob Lowe: Hey, isn’t that my ex? IT TOTALLY IS! On a bike! Wearing…overalls?
[they TALK about their RELATIONSHIP, using MANY METAPHORS, and REALIZE that it is TOTALLY meant to be]
Rob Lowe: Wanna go out sometime?
Demi Moore: OK. I’m gonna ride off into the sunset now.*
Rob Lowe: Mind if I watch?*
Jim Belushi: Hey Elizabeth Perkins. Wanna do it?
[they all live ANGSTFULLY ever after]