[it is the 1990s]
Some Dude: [pushes elevator button, though the light is on]
Other Dude: Hey, thanks for pushing that button, Bob. The light's on, but you never know, it might be broken.*
[they BOARD the elevator and almost PLUMMET to their DEATHS, but Keanu Reeves SAVES them]
Keanu Reeves: I save people. Except when it becomes necessary to shoot the hostage.
Dennis Hopper: We'll see...I shall have my revenge!!! On all of you!!
Sandra Bullock: Commuting is so wonderful. Except when I get gum on my seat. GUM.
[many WACKY BUS RIDERS are introduced]
Dennis Hopper: Muhahahaha!! Keep driving! Or the bus will explode! There's no way to save these people! Pay me money! This plan is AWESOME!
Keanu Reeves: There's a BOMB on the BUS!!!
Bus Riders: Huh?!?!
Keanu Reeves: Don't slow down!!!
Crazy Lady: I gotta get off this bus!
[she EXPLODES and everyone is SAD]
Sandra Bullock: Okay, well, since the bus driver got shot, I'll take over. How hilarious it is that I am taking the bus because my license was revoked for speeding, and am also totally cute.
Keanu Reeves: Yes, please continue to drive fast, attractive woman.
[they just KEEP DRIVING and occasionally CRASHING INTO THINGS]
Jeff Daniels: We found the bad guy's house! We're going to go arrest him!
Dennis Hopper: I killed your buddy! Suckaaaaa!!
Keanu Reeves: Nooooooo! Okay, we need to get on a freeway that will allow us to stop crashing into things.
Mac: Take me to that interchange on the 105!*
[the interchange DOES NOT EXIST and the bus has to FUCKING JUMP over a FUCKING HOLE in the road]
Keanu Reeves: Uh...let's go to the airport and drive around.
[they DO, but not before LOSING a bunch of GAS]
Dennis Hopper: Good thing they don't know I'm watching them on closed-circuit camera.
Keanu Reeves: An offhand comment made by the bad guy earlier has caused me to realize that he can SEE us!
[he USES TECHNOLOGY to trick the BAD GUY and SAVE the people on the bus]
Dennis Hopper: I'm "hopping" mad now!!
[he STEALS Sandra Bullock and TRAPS her in a TRAIN, though they are in LA]
Keanu Reeves: Let's fight on top of this train, because, well, we have nowhere else to go with this.
Dennis Hopper: Okay.
[Dennis Hopper gets his head KNOCKED OFF, which is too bad, since EXPLODING would be way more IRONIC and/or APPROPOS]
Keanu Reeves: Now we are safe and can kiss.
Sandra Bullock: Cool.

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