Uptown Girls

Look, it was Sunday, and I'm sunburnt. I have no other viable excuse.
[it is NEW YORK]
Brittany Murphy: Though I look like the reanimated corpse of Angelina Jolie, I am rich and men seem to be attracted to me. I love my life...as long as I don't dwell too long on the deaths of my parents. Sigh.
English Rocker Poet: [singing] I am soulful and have deep, deep thoughts...look how pensive I am with my guitar.
Brittany Murphy: Swoon! He shall be mine. I shall love him forever.
Marley Shelton: But you always dump guys after, like, two days.
Brittany Murphy: This one is different.
[two days LATER]
Brittany Murphy: I'm being suffocated!! I need to dump him!
English Rocker Dude: I'm dumping you.
Brittany Murphy: Now that you don't want me, I want you back!
Her Accountant or Something: By the way, all your money is gone.
[she tries to WORK and fails in a HILARIOUS fashion]
Donald Faison: I can get you a job as the nanny for the child of my boss, mega music executive Heather Locklear, the one to whom I gave English Rocker Dude's demo CD.
Dakota Fanning: Hello. Have you read any Sartre lately? Please don't touch my tea set. Let's have an eerily adult conversation.
Brittany Murphy: OMG you have BARBIES!! Awesome!
[they have some MADCAP ADVENTURES related to the fact that Brittany Murphy is a WOMAN-CHILD and Dakota Fanning is a 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN in a child's BODY]
Brittany Murphy: Isn't Coney Island fun? This is where I ran away to when I was a kid.
Dakota Fanning: I shall save that information for future reference.
English Rocker Dude: Oh...hello. Why are you at this music executive's house? Because I'm here fucking her.
Brittany Murphy: Nooooooo!!!! I hate everyone!!
Marley Shelton: You still need money. Sell your dead rock star dad's guitars.
Brittany Murphy: I can't!! But I must, in order to learn a valuable lesson. I guess.
[an ANONYMOUS BIDDER, who is NOT ANONYMOUS AT ALL to the viewing audience, buys the ENTIRE COLLECTION]
Brittany Murphy: Dakota Fanning, if you talk to your comatose father, perhaps he will hear you and recover.
[he DIES anyway]
Dakota Fanning: Have her fired as my nanny. I'm running away, and no one will ever find me.
Brittany Murphy: Coney Island? A little obvious, kid.
[Dakota Fanning SLAPS her in the FACE and PUNCHES her]*
Brittany Murphy: I think we've all learned a lesson here. People are more important than any material goods, and the relationships you build are -- shit! I'm missing Dakota Fanning's recital!
[she RACES to the recital, since NO ONE in a movie EVER knows when the IMPORTANT PERFORMANCES of children are happening]
English Rocker Dude: I'm here to play at this children's dance recital on the guitar that belonged to a great musician - Brittany Murphy's dead dad.
Brittany Murphy: He does care! Hurrah!
[everyone DANCES in a CLICHED manner]

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