[It is the EARLY 60s in NYC]
Barbra Streisand [sung]: There are flowers everywhere that I am dancing through, it is a clear day and see how quirky I aaaaam. Here I stand, watch me stand, now I’ll twirl, yes I will, ready or noooot. Go to this school, sure I will, I don’t belong but still I gooooo.
[It is a college PSYCHOLOGY class]
Yves Montand: You are getting very sleeeeepy, your eyes are tired.
[dude falls ASLEEP]
Yves Montand: You will think you are five again when I count to three. One, two, thr…
Barbra Streisand: Give me back my chalk you dummy! Gimme, gimme, waaaaa!!
Yves Montand: Oh, oops, you got hypnotized by mistake, my bad.
Barbra Streisand: Actually I wanted to get hypnotized anyway, cuz my fiancée has a big important meeting and he will be an utter failure if I smoke so please help me quit smoking. Also, isn’t this Long Island accent a little ruff and expected. But wait, it might be crucial later to help distinguish…stuff. Oh, and it’s in the dictionary.
Yves Montand: Mon dieu! You didn’t even know what I was looking for let alone where it was. But…how?
Barbra Streisand: That’s just me. Answer your phone.
[The PHONE starts ringing]
Yves Montand: But, I am a man of science and ESP is impossible. Quick let me hypnotize you.
Barbra Steisand: K.
[he does and they talk about smoking UNTIL…]
Barbra Streisand: [in a POSH BRITISH ACCENT]: I am Melinda Such-and-Such So-and-so and furthermore plus some and I am OUTRAGED!
[it is VICTORIAN ENGLAND and Babs is on TRIAL]
I am innocent!
[it is the EARLY 60s in NYC]
Yves Montand: Mon dieu! What the fuck is happening?
[it is VICTORIAN ENGLAND]
Barbra Streisand: I was born poor, see how I can speak with a cockney accent now? That maid was my mom in this lifetime. She jokes with me about being a slut, ha ha. Although I have a husband, I want that man to be mine and I shall make him mine by using my ESP powers.
[it is the EARLY 60s in NYC]
Yves Montand: But…he’s a douche! Love me Melinda!! Even tho I don’t believe in reincarnation and even if I did, you’re long dead, LOVE ME!
Audience: What the fuck is this movie?!?!
Jack Nicholson: I am Barbra Streisand’s former step-brother and I love her. I’m also a hippie and I am rich. Noone is really sure why I’m here.
Barbra Streisand: I think I love Yves Montand. I better listen to this tape.
Barbra Streisand: What the…I have a past life?!? AND, that asshole doctor hates me and just wants to use me to get to my former self – Melinda! Well, I won’t let him.
Yves Montand: Please Barbra Streisand, let me hypnotize you somemore. I promise I don’t love Melinda.
[She won’t let him and they SEPARATE]
Yves Montand: Mon dieu! How to get her back? I know!!!! Using my powers of telepathy, I shall sing to her from atop a really tall building, that way, she won’t be able to escape me.
[He does and there is footage of many RANDOM PEOPLE singing at Barbra Streisand with Yves Montand’s VOICE]
Barbra Streisand: OMG! Stop it! I can’t take it. Fine, hypnotize me once more.
OMG! Stop it! I can’t take it. Fine, hypnotize me once more.
Yves Montand: Were we ever married in any of your other lives?
Barbra Streisand: Oui.
Yves Montand: Mon dieu! When was it? Where did we live? What were our names?
Barbra Streisand: We were John and Louise Thorndike and we lived in Virginia in 2038.
Yves Montand: Wake up and go your own way, knowing now that you are worth something and remember, on a clear day…you can see forever.