Guest Post: Mrs. Brown

When I received this latest submission from frequent guest contributor and dear friend Jason Whittle, my first thought was of the Herman's Hermits song "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter," which I like to think of as the runner-up in a competition to find the Best Song Addressed to Your Girl's Mom About Your Relationship with Your Girl*. (The winner, obviously, being "Ms. Jackson," because they were for real.)

However - I then read the condensation Jason wrote and there is no mention of mothers or daughters or being lovely or planning a picnic but not being able to predict the weather at all. But who doesn't love The Dench and ponies?
[it is 1863 and Queen Victoria is in MOURNING]
Judi Dench: I loved my husband, Prince Albert and then he died. Now, I am mopey and insist that everyone mope with me.
A Courtier: Maybe the Queen should ride a horse.
Billy Connolly: I have come from the north. I am not as genteel as you all. Prince Albert loved me and I know how to ride horses. I have brought a white pony.
[He STANDS outside every day with a PONY, just in case the QUEEN wants to RIDE]
Judi Dench: Why do you stand outside every day with a pony? I have not asked you to prepare my pony.
Billy Connolly: My God, woman! I never thought I’d see you in such a state.
The Court: O.M.G.
Judi Dench: This man speaks to me like a person instead of a title. I need someone to boss me around a bit in the absence of my dearly loved husband. You are an upstart but I consider you my dear friend, Billy Connolly.
England: OMG, the Queen has been in mourning for so many years, we miss her. Also, I hear she’s snogging some Scot.
Prime Minister: Ummm, we need you to come back to London.
Billy Connolly: You should go.
Judi Dench: BUT, you promised I wouldn’t have to!!!!
Billy Connolly: It’s ok, I’ll get drunk and worry constantly about people trying to kill you.
Judi Dench: You are no longer my friend tho I still obviously love you.
[Billy Connolly ATTACKS a man with A GUN]
Judi Dench: Billy Connolly has saved my life, I shall have a medal cast but I won’t warm to him again.
Someone: Umm, Billy Connolly is dying.
Judi Dench: Oh, no! You’re my friend and I love you. Don’t die.
The Queen’s Advisors: BURN his diary. He had influence and perhaps was sticking it to the queen!!!

*A related, though not identical, category is "Best Song Addressed to Your Girl About Your Relationship with Your Girl's Mom," of which "Stacy's Mom" is a part.

1 comment:

jeremy said...

i love a metaphorical pony
and the word upstart