Eagle vs. Shark

Lily: I'm alone, and I want a boyfriend. I think it must be this mole that's salting my game, because I'm actually really pretty, though a bit awkward. [sigh] Well, time for work.
[she goes to WORK, where they are all BITCHES]
Lily: Be still my heart! He approaches!
[a dude with a KILLER MULLET and a MOLE to match Lily's SWAGGERS in but IGNORES her]
Lily: I will get his attention somehow, preferably in an adorably quirky way.
[she DRESSES UP like a SHARK at his ANIMAL-THEMED party and BEATS him at a VIDEO game]
Jarrod: Wow. You're pretty good at video games. Wanna make out?
[they BONE, awkwardly]
Jarrod: I have to go defeat my nemesis. He's pretty much the worst guy ever.
Lily: My brother can drive you, as we are all social outcasts.
[she MEETS his FAMILY and sees a bunch of his DEAD BROTHER'S trophies and stuff]
Jarrod: Though I may seem like Napoleon Dynamite, I am a real person. With real feelings. See how my brother's death has affected me. Also, I have a child.
Little Girl: Hey.
[Lily HANGS OUT with his FAMILY, but Jarrod decides she is LAME and DUMPS her]
Lily: I'm just going to follow you around in a sleeping bag for a really long time.
Jarrod: Okay. Time for my fight with my nemesis.
[his NEMESIS turns out to be in a WHEELCHAIR, but he still KICKS his FUCKING ASS]
Lily: All right, I have seen the fight and now I'm leaving.
Jarrod: Here, I brought you some flowers. We are awkwardly in love again. Yessssss.

1 comment:

Emily Sue said...

They just HAD to throw in that Napoleon Dynamite YESSS, didn't they???