Heavenly Creatures

Why do I love this movie so well? Is it the young Kate Winslet in her film debut? Is it that girl who was later the nice stepsister in Ever After and then in Sweet Home Alabama and brought a baby to a bar? Is it the latent lesbian undercurrent? Is it the true crime aspect? Is it the fact that Peter Jackson directed it? Is it the quaint New Zealand accents?

No. It is none of these things.

It is the crazy fantasy world of Borovnia that the girls invent. Seriously. The plastic people will give you nightmares for weeks. They haunt me like the King from the Burger King commercials, or like those masks made of clear plastic where you can still kind of see the person's real face, but it's all plasticky and scary.
Kate Winslet: Hey, I’m new here. Since we’re both not in gym class, wanna make up a crazy fantasy world?

Melanie Lynskey: Um, YEAH! That sounds awesome. Also, you are incredibly beautiful.
Kate Winslet: I know, right?!
[they HANG OUT 24/7 and act out SCENES from their WEIRD IMAGINARY KINGDOM that include huge PLASTIC PEOPLE that look like the ones from that one DURACELL ad campaign]
Kate Winslet’s Mom: Sorry, you have tuberculosis and you have to go away.
Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!
[they write REALLY INTENSE LETTERS to each other]
Some Dude: Hey, can we have sex?
Melanie Lynskey: Okay, I guess. [aside] But I’ll be thinking of her the whole time…am I a lesbian? No one knows…
[Kate Winslet RETURNS and the girls are still WEIRDLY CLOSE]
Their Parents: This is waaaaaaay too intense for the conservative climate of the 1950s. We must separate the girls.
Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Kate Winslet: OMG, I have the TOTAL ANSWER to all of our problems. We’ll kill your mom!
Melanie Lynskey: OMG, so obvious!!
[they BRUTALLY murder the mom in a GARDEN, which doesn’t really serve the PURPOSE of keeping them TOGETHER because they both go to PRISON and then NEVER SPOKE AGAIN]


Jason said...

Well, there ya go - further proof of what I've said allllll along:
1. Lesbians (or just girls that are strangely close) are dangerous.

2. All homosexuals come to a tragic end because of their lifestyle choice.

3. Can Peter Jackson only work in New Zealand?

Emily Sue said...

The reason I love the movie is for the murder scene. Glorious.