5.03.2007

The Cutting Edge


[it is the OLYMPICS]
DB Sweeney: Hockey is the most awesomest sport ever! I love it so much! If I wasn't able to play hockey, I don't know what I'd do!
[he gets BASHED in the FACE, causing terrible INJURY that will PREVENT his playing hockey EVER AGAIN]
DB Sweeney: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!
[later]
Moira Kelly: I need another new partner! This one is lame!!
Coach: [sigh] DB Sweeney, please come and figure skate with the most difficult woman in the world. I know it's not hockey, but at least you'll be on the ice.
DB Sweeney: This is ridiculous! No way! I want to work in construction! Nuh uh! No! No sir! I won't do it!
[he decides to FIGURE SKATE, though it is a PANSY SPORT]
Moira Kelly: Hahahahahaha!!! You don't even know how to skate on figure skates!! TOE PICK!*
[DB Sweeney DROPS her on her ASS]
DB Sweeney: Grrr. I hate you...or do I?
[they go to a NEW YEAR'S EVE party and look at each other LONGINGLY over a SPARKLER]
Moira Kelly: I got you this extremely amazing present of a hockey jersey of your favorite player. That must mean I love you.
DB Sweeney: Oh...I...uh...I slept with some chick.
Moira Kelly: You cad!
[they SULK]
Coach: You must do the most dangerous, amazing move EVER if you want to win...each others' hearts!
[they SKATE to a ROCK SONG and it is TOTALLY HOT]
Moira Kelly: The pamchenko is so dangerous...but we must.
[they do the most DANGEROUS, AMAZING MOVE EVER]
DB Sweeney: Now I love you.
[they KISS on the ICE]
All Girls Who Ever Watched This Movie: [sigh]

4 comments:

humboldt honey said...

You are my favorite! And this is very accurate. (I didn't watch this movie yesterday or anything. And I don't own it either. Stop asking!)

Ilana said...

Best. Movie. Ever.

Note: She gives him Great Expectations. He gives her the hockey jersey for his favorite player. Nice work, DB.

Movie Maven said...

Damn! Okay, I got that part wrong. You get the gist, though.

malka said...

I just finished re-watching this movie on Lifetime. It is the greatest movie ever, especially the turtleneck sweaters, and the ending where they declare their love and make out on the ice with the American flag waving slowly and dramatically in the background because they just won a gold medal in LOVE! Hell yeah!!