Dirty Dancing

One thing about this movie: PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE IT. Amendment: GIRLS FUCKING LOVE IT. They re-released it to the big screen for its 20th anniversary and the audience in Astoria was EATING IT UP. Lots of singing along, lots of saying lines along with the characters, lots of cheering when Swayze entered, or when the Good Guys were vindicated and the Bad Guys were thwarted. Nice.
[it is SUMMER 1963]
Jennifer Grey: As I departed on my family vacation to a resort for rich people, I thought to myself: my two greatest assets are my tenaciousness and my virginity. Would I be able to keep them through the summer?
Her Sister: I didn't bring enough shoes!!!!!
Gross Rich Douche: That's okay. I'll still bang you.
Her Sister: [giggles]
[they meet VARIOUS GUESTS and other RICH FOLKS who LOOK DOWN on others]
Smarmy Grandson of the Owner: Hey girl, I'm quite the catch. Let's hang out while I leer at you.
Jennifer Grey: Gross. I'd really rather get to know the riff-raff who work as the "entertainment" staff, and by "entertainment," I mean "booty."
[she WANDERS OFF in search of ADVENTURE...and finds it in the form of a WATERMELON]
Jennifer Grey: Wow, these people are dancing...dirtily.
Patrick Swayze: I will pause my pelvic thrusting to ask: what's she doing here?
Jennifer Grey: I carried a watermelon.*
Patrick Swayze's Dance Partner: Oh no! I'm pregnant with Gross Rich Douche's baby! But I can't afford an abortion! And I also can't go, because it's on the day of our big dance gig!
Jennifer Grey: I'm plucky! I solve all problems! I will get you the money and learn the dance!!
[everyone is SKEPTICAL, but a MONTAGE of LEARNING TO DANCE takes care of that]
Jennifer Grey: My nipples are bored. We better practice lifts in the water.
Patrick Swayze: Indeed...let us drive somewhere where it isn't raining.
[they PRACTICE some more, to the STRAINS of more PERIOD MUSIC]
Jennifer Grey: It's the day of the show!! Let's rock this shit!
[they DANCE, but she does not do the LIFT]
Jennifer Grey: I was afraid.
Patrick Swayze: What? You're not scared of anything.
Jennifer Grey: Most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for my whole life...the way I feel when I'm with you.*
[he DEFLOWERS her in a SENSITIVE manner]
Patrick Swayze's Cousin: The abortion got botched!!
[Jennifer Grey gets her DAD, who assumes that Patrick Swayze is a NO-GOOD ROUSTABOUT, but saves the DANCE PARTNER]
Jennifer Grey's Sister: I think I'm going to sleep with Gross Rich Douche.
[she finds him IN FLAGRANTE DELICTO with one of the RICH CUSTOMERS]
Jennifer Grey's Sister: Whatevs. I'll do a song at the talent show instead. That's just as good. Probably better.
Smarmy Grandson of the Owner: Patrick Swayze steals wallets!
Jennifer Grey: No, he didn't, and I know, because I was with him.
Jerry Orbach: I don't even know who you are anymore!!!
[Patrick Swayze gets FIRED and DRIVES OFF to the STRAINS of HIMSELF, singing]
Jennifer Grey: I am heartbroken, but mature.
[Patrick Swayze RETURNS to dance the LAST DANCE]
Patrick Swayze: Nobody puts Baby in the corner.*
[he SWEEPS her off her FEET and this time she does the LIFT, because she BELIEVES in LOVE]

1 comment:

Ilana said...

Um, you forgot the part where, after deflowering her and ignoring her, she breathily calls his name, he turns and lifts but half his mouth in a smile, and all is right with the world.