Minority Report

[it is THE FUTURE]
Tom Cruise: My life is so totally awesome, especially because we have these crime psychics who can tell you’re going to commit a crime before you do it.
Detractor of Future Society’s Justice System: Aren’t you worried that they might be wrong? Couldn’t innocent people be punished?
Tom Cruise: [laughs HEARTILY] That’s ridiculous! This system is perfect! There’s no way anyone could possibly be accused unless they were actually guilt—
Future Police: You’re under arrest for the future murder of someone.
Tom Cruise: I don’t even know him! But the system is perfect! DAMN YOU, IRONY!!
[he RUNS AWAY, taking one of the PSYCHICS with him]
Colin Farrell: Stop right there. As a representative of the federal government, I hate you, since you are a representative of local government. Let us battle in this car factory.
Tom Cruise: Okay, but only if the assembly line continues to build cars while we do so. Also, it should be wet, because I will look cooler driving away.
Colin Farrell: So be it.
[they FIGHT AWESOMELY, and Tom Cruise gets NEW RETINAS because that’s how you’re identified in the FUTURE and goes to the home of the ALLEGED FUTURE MURDER VICTIM]
Tom Cruise: Whaaaaaaa??? This man kidnapped my son. I DO want to kill him.
Kidnapper: Yes! Kill me and my family will get the insurance money!
[he PULLS the TRIGGER of Tom Cruise’s GUN, and that is NOT a double ENTENDRE]
Colin Farrell: I have doubts about this murder. It seems like a set-up.
Max Von Sydow: [SHOOTS him]
Tom Cruise: Turns out you killed the psychic’s mom! And I found out about it! And that’s why you set me up!
Samantha Morton: Yeah, you jerk!
Max Von Sydow: [SHOOTS himself]
Tom Cruise’s Ex-Wife: Let’s get back together, since we have a dead son.
Tom Cruise:

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