The Weight of Water

[It is NOW]
Catherine McCormack: Let’s go to Smuttynose Island, honey. I have to write an article about this old murder.
Sean Penn: Okay, but only if my brother, Josh Lucas, with whom you have obvious sexual tension, and his incredibly hot girlfriend, Elizabeth Hurley, who clearly wants to get with me, can come along.
Catherine McCormack: Cool!
[It is the PAST]
Sarah Polley: Wow, America kind of sucks. Why did we leave Norway, again?
Her husband: Yeah, sorry about that. Here’s a dog to keep you company, though.
Ciaran Hinds: Can I work for you and your hot young wife?
Her Husband: Sure, come on in.
Sarah Polley: Ew.
[It is NOW]
Catherine McCormack: Hey, in my research, it says that this young wife said that this guy that worked for her and her husband killed these other women. But I don’t think he did. I think it was her.
Sean Penn: Women are secretive.
[many FURTIVE GLANCES are exchanged between the two couples]
[It is the PAST]
Sarah Polley: I miss my brother.
Her Sister: Guess what, he’s moving here.
Her Brother: Hey, sisters, I brought my new hot wife.
Sarah Polley: Nooooooooo!
Her Sister: Guess what, my sister and brother had sex with each other.
Hot New Wife: Gross.
[Sarah Polley KILLS them both and BLAMES the hired hand]
Sarah Polley: So…much…guilt…
[It is NOW]
Josh Lucas: A storm!
Elizabeth Hurley: [stumbles around on deck]
Catherine McCormack: Oops, I hit you with the mast. My bad.
[Elizabeth Hurley FALLS in the OCEAN without a LIFE JACKET, so Sean Penn JUMPS IN after her, only to DROWN himself]
Catherine McCormack/Sarah Polley: I have learned a lesson.

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