Frankenstein (Made for TV)

[it is an EXTREMELY DARK present]
Parker Posey: I wonder who is killing all of these people and stealing their organs. Also, I wonder why I am in this movie.
[she raises an EYEBROW]
Adam Goldberg: We ARE the most unlikely detectives ever in life. Let’s investigate.
[they go on a SEARCH for the KILLER]
Parker Posey: This victim has TWO HEARTS!!!!!!!
Adam Goldberg: Speaking of hearts…I love you. We can’t be partners and not have some unrequited love, right?
Michael Madsen: I’m taking over this case!
Parker Posey: Shut up! This is my case! The only reason you would take it over is if you were a suspect, but that’s not possible, since you are my superior!
Michael Madsen: Uh…since that’s TOTALLY NOT TRUE, you can keep the case…for now.
[he INVESTIGATES anyway behind her BACK, since he is OBVIOUSLY the KILLER]
Crazy Doctor: Oh, wife. You are so beautiful.
Ilana Milisevic: I know. You made me that way.
[he SMILES SECRETLY so that we ALL KNOW that he is actually the FRANKENSTEIN of the title]
Weird Dude: I am sad. I appear evil, but I am not. Sigh.
[he INVESTIGATES the KILLINGS also, but always returns to his makeshift home, a CRAZY BROKE-DOWN MOVIE THEATER]
Autistic Brother of Parker Posey: [plays with BLOCKS]
Parker Posey: Thank you for reminding me of my life outside my job, little brother. What’s this? A note directing me to the crazy broke-down movie theater?
[she goes to the CRAZY BROKE-DOWN MOVIE THEATER and meets the Weird Dude]
Weird Dude: I can help you. I am the original Frankenstein’s monster.
Parker Posey: Okay, tha – wait, WHAT?!?! That doesn’t make any sense.
Weird Dude Now Revealed to Be Frankenstein’s Monster: I know. Here is a pseudoscientific explanation.
[they DISCOVER that the SARGEANT or whatever is the KILLER and also one of the creations of Dr. Frankenstein, who is, like, 200 years old]
Michael Madsen: You wanna kill me? You’re gonna need TWO BULLETS! Because I have TWO HEARTS! Because I’m a MONSTER!!!
[a CHASE and a GUN BATTLE occur in the only place a CHASE and a GUN BATTLE can occur – an old FACTORY of some kind]
Parker Posey: He escaped!
Weird Dude: We must pursue him, and all the others.
[he FLIPS a coin]
Weird Dude: Heads, you fight beside me. Tails, you fight alone.
Parker Posey: Screw fate.
[they ROCK OUT]