3.26.2007

To Die For

I FUCKING LOVE this movie. When I saw it, I was all, "Daaaaaaamn, girl, you CRAZY," and Nicole Kidman was all, "I know, bitch, watch me act this shit out of this shit," and I was all, "Hells yeah!" It was awesome.
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[it is the 1990s]
Illeana Douglas: She killed my brother. Bitch.
Nicole Kidman: I am completely innocent of all charges.
[flashbackflashbackflashbackflashback]
Matt Dillon: Who’s the fox that just walked in?
Nicole Kidman: It’s me. I’m super hot and super ambitious. Watch out, New Hampshire.
[they FUCK and then GET MARRIED]
Some Network Dude: This one time, this chick got a job by blowing some guy.
Nicole Kidman: Hmmmmmm…
[she gets a JOB at a local STATION, but not by BLOWING anyone]
Matt Dillon: Baby, let’s have kids.
Nicole Kidman: Ew, puke!! I don’t want kids…but I want to do a documentary about real kids in real situations…then maybe I can get them to kill my stupid husband.
[she goes to the HIGH SCHOOL looking SUPER FOXY in a totally 1990s way]
Joaquin Phoenix: [blows his WAD immediately upon seeing her ASS]
Nicole Kidman: Sweeeeeeeeeet. This kid will do WHATEVER I WANT. I seem to remember a story someone told me about blowjobs and convincing people of things...
[she BLOWS him and he KILLS her husband while she READS the WEATHER and looks at the camera in a KNOWING manner]
Matt Dillon’s Parents: Oh, REALLY?
[they call the MAFIA and have her KILLED]
Illeana Douglas: Sucka!!!!!
[she SKATES over Nicole Kidman’s FROZEN CORPSE]

2 comments:

Emily Sue said...

Always one of my favorites. Nice.
Nicole Kidman has never acted so finely before or since, every time I watch this I find something amazing about her performance.

Andy said...

this movie is the reason i became a meteorologist. might also have something to do with why i'm gay.

love it!