3.25.2007

The Others

I don't think I need to point out that there are SPOILERS in here, but there are. FYI.

[It is 1945]
Nicole Kidman: Are you here for the servant positions?
Housekeeper and Gardener: Yes. We used to work here a long time ago.
Nicole Kidman: That’s cool, but BTW, my kids are allergic to light. That’s why it’s all dark and spooky in here all the time.
Housekeeper: Uh…OK. Hi, kids.
Daughter: Mummy went mad.
Son: Shut up! When’s daddy coming home?
[the servants have WHISPERED DISCUSSIONS]
Housekeeper: How are we going to convince them of some unnamed thing that happened? Let’s just keep foreshadowing until we can.
[there is a THUMP upstairs]
Nicole Kidman: Search the house!
Gardener: No one’s there.
Nicole Kidman: Maybe I am crazy.
Daughter: I see a little boy. His name is Victor.
Nicole Kidman: No, maybe you’re crazy.
[she looks at her DAUGHTER, who now looks like a SCARY OLD LADY]
Nicole Kidman: Where’s my daughter?
Daughter: I am your daughter!
Nicole Kidman: This is ridiculous. I’m going to the village to get the priest so he can exorcise our house.
[she runs into the FOG, which is super SCARY]
Christopher Eccleston: Hey, honey, I’m back from the war. Thought I was dead, right?
Nicole Kidman: Sweet!
[they GET IT ON]
Christopher Eccleston: K, gotta go.
[all of the CURTAINS in the house mysteriously disappear, which is BAD because the children are PHOTOSENSITIVE]
Nicole Kidman: Get out, servants. You’re trying to kill my children.
Gardener: We should probably stop foreshadowing and just tell her now.
Housekeeper: Uncover the gravestones.
[the GRAVESTONES say the names of the SERVANTS]
Daughter: They’re dead!!!!!!
Nicole Kidman: RUN!!!
Dead Housekeeper: You’ve got intruders in your house. Go get ‘em.
[they find the INTRUDERS, one of whom is the SCARY OLD LADY]
Scary Old Lady: Hey, I think we made contact with the dead people in this house.
Nicole Kidman: Hold on…we’re dead?
Children: Wha?
Nicole Kidman: Sorry I killed you guys.
Children: It’s cool. Let’s haunt people.

2 comments:

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

This movie was somehow scary and stupid at the same time.

humboldt honey said...

I completely agree with your ill-fitting overcoat.

Excellent review, movie maven.