3.06.2007

Sight Unseen: Wild Hogs

I'm not going to say I'll never see this movie. If it was on TBS, and I was sick and unable to move from the couch or pick up the remote control, I might.
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[it is THE SUBURBS]
Tim Allen: You guys, I'm bored. Let's go on a wacky road trip…on MOTORCYCLES!!
Martin Lawrence: Hell naw! Brothers don't like motorcycles. But my kids are bothering me, so okay.
John Travolta: I hope my toupee stays on with the wind in my hair.
William H. Macy: [sighs] Fine. I'll ride with you guys. But only because I'm getting paid millions of dollars with which I can fund more interesting independent films.
[they embark on an ADVENTURE on MOTORCYCLES and encounter many OBSTACLES]
Hot Woman: Hey guys, nice bikes.
[their eyes BULGE out of their HEADS a la that one WOLF in the OLD-TIMEY cartoons]
Hot Woman: Can I get a ride?
The Guys: Of course!
[she steals ALL THEIR MONEY]
John Travolta: What else could possibly go wrong?
[they drive into a MUD PIT]
John C. McGinley: Why didn't you see that mud pit? You must be drunk. Can I see a license and registration from you fellas?
Martin Lawrence: [says something CRAZY]
John C. McGinley: I'm going to have to take you fellas in. [FLEXES his Simon Cowell-like PECS]
William H. Macy: Swoon! This movie needs some homoerotic undertones.
[he has a FANTASY in which John C. McGinley RESCUES him from a BURNING BUILDING for some reason]
Tim Allen: Let's all just settle down. I'm sure we can figure this out.
[they have a huge KNIFE FIGHT]
John C. McGinley: You have proven your manliness. Go in peace.
Martin Lawrence: Hell yeah!
John Travolta: So have I told you guys about Scientology yet?
Tim Allen, William H. Macy, and Martin Lawrence: Oh, you!!
[they RIDE OFF as "Born to Be Wild" plays]

3 comments:

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

this was the best but the part where william h. macy stars makes me sad. but i'm totally confused:

(a) did you actually see it?
(b) are you psychic
(c) did you actually produce this movie?
(d) was the trailer overly detailed?

Movie Maven said...

this is the kind of movie that you do not have to see to produce a fairly accurate version. so i figure, even though i have not seen it...this is probably close enough.

also, yes, i did produce it.

Rachel said...

jackie told me whmacy does not want to do any serious movies after the making of wild hogs, because it was such a "blast". keep changing lives, wild hogs.