Sight Unseen: The Ex

As with yesterday's post, today's movie does not come out for a while, and thusly there are no stills to be had except those on IMDb, which I can't figure out how to put in my wonderful photobucket account. But that's not what you want to know. What you want to know is: Why am I looking at a locker pinup of Jason Bateman from 1987? Well, I will tell you why: because he's in this movie, and because he is better than Zach Braff, whose manchild thing is reaaaalllly starting to get old. Wait, did I say "starting to get old"? I meant "is old." Though I will concede that he and Turk are real cute on Scrubs, the boys on Psych are a) just as charismatic and b) possibly cuter and c) on a show that's new and thus has not yet gone downhill.

Also, Jason Bateman is the future father of my children. I don't want to go too nuts after yesterday's John Krasinski lovefest, but I have to put that out there, in case Jason Bateman is googling himself one day and stumbles across my site and falls in love with me from afar. YES, I KNOW HE'S MARRIED. Don't ruin my dream.

But enough about that. You want movies.
[it is an OFFICE]
Zach Braff: I’m ridin’ high, boys. I got a hot wife, a new baby, and an awesome new job. Also, AMERICA LOVES ME. You hear that, America? YOU LOVE ME.
Jason Bateman: We’ll see about that, Braff.
[he wheels his WHEELCHAIR over Braff’s foot in the first of many WHEELCHAIR-RELATED JOKES]
Charles Grodin: [morosely] Let’s get the meeting started, guys.
Zach Braff: [showing PHOTOS to EVERYONE] …and this is my baby, and my wife…
Jason Bateman: That’s your wife? I used to date her…NOW IT’S ONNNNNNN!
[they DANCE FIGHT, which is HARD, because of the whole WHEELCHAIR thing, but somehow it WORKS]
Amanda Peet: Stop fighting, or I will stab you with my chin!
Jason Bateman: Heeeeeeey, baby, remember me? I’m totally cuter and funnier than this douche chill you call your baby’s father. Let me play you a song in a sexy manner.
[she SWOONS]
Zach Braff: Oh HELL no!
[they fight with NINJA STARS, which is SURPRISINGLY effective]
Will Arnett: [to Bateman] I got your back, buddy!
[he puts Braff in a HEADLOCK]
Jason Bateman: Surrender! Surrender to the king of subtle comedy, though this movie is anything but subtle!
[someone FALLS DOWN, just to be funny]
Jason Bateman: You see what I mean? SURRENDER!
Zach Braff: You win! You win. [Will Arnett RELEASES him] Suckers!!!
Half of American Wheelchair Users: This movie stinks! He pushed a guy in a wheelchair!
Other Half of American Wheelchair Users: This movie rules! The guy in the wheelchair is way funnier than the guy not in a wheelchair! Also, he apparently has a huge penis. So let’s spread that rumor around too.

1 comment:

Emily Sue said...

I actually saw the Ex months ago when it was titled "Fast Track" (glad they changed that stupid name). I went to one of those feedback screenings and was in a focus group. It was pretty not good, but Bateman was the awesomest, per usual.
Let me tell you - you got the plot down PAT.
This movie also features the most frightening Mia Farrow EVER - all plastic surgery tight and scary.