Oscar Week: Letters from Iwo Jima

I didn't see this movie. In fact, no one I know saw it. I'm sure it was good/emotional/culturally relevant. I might watch it eventually. So I cheated. I read a synopsis. And then I made a synopsis of the synopsis. It's like writing a paper based on Cliffs Notes, which I never did in college or in high school (NERD ALERT), so I get a pass, okay? OKAY??? Just read the damn thing.
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[it is IWO JIMA]
Japanese General: [in Japanese] Okay, men, this mission…well, we’re not entirely sure we can win it, because the Navy left. But I have some really awesome ideas involving foxholes!
Older Officers: [in Japanese] Whaaaaat? You’re crazy, man.
Baron Nishi: [in Japanese] Dude, you guys, I’ve been to America, and this will TOTALLY beat them.
Regular Japanese Solider Guys: [in Japanese] This sucks.
[their CO commands them to BLOW THEMSELVES UP with their own grenades, which MOST of them do]
Shimizu and Saigo: [in Japanese] Uh…no thanks.
[they CAPTURE an American who DIES, but they read a LETTER from his MOM and have a moment of CROSS-CULTURAL sympathy]
Baron Nishi: [in Japanese] My eyes!!! Being blinded by a flamethrower is the worst thing ever!!
[he KILLS himself]
Shimizu: [in Japanese] I don’t like eating bugs any more. Let’s surrender.
Saigo: [in Japanese]No, let’s keep eating bugs.
[Shimizu SURRENDERS to a Marine, but then gets KILLED]
Saigo: [in Japanese] Shit. I might as well just give up.
Japanese General: [in Japanese] I will save your life a third time if you bury these letters.
[he KILLS himself]
Saigo: [in Japanese] Not again!
[he is TAKEN PRISONER, and is, like, the ONLY GUY to make it out of the BATTLE alive]
Text On Screen: 20,000 Japanese soldiers went to Iwo Jima. 18,000 died. Doesn’t that suck, America?
My Grandpa, From the Afterlife: Bah. Let’s watch Flags of Our Fathers again.