With Honors

[it is HARVARD]
Brendan Fraser: Wow, my life is totally sweet. I'm going to Harvard, I'm, like, totally smart, and my thesis is going to RULE.
Moira Kelly: Do remember that whole unrequited crush thing you have going on with me, your roommate, though.
Brendan Fraser: Dang! There is that. Otherwise, though...SWEET.
[he needs to COPY his THESIS in the middle of the NIGHT and drops it into a BASEMENT and also BREAKS his LEG]
Brendan Fraser: Though I am smart and have read many books that are riddled with symbolism, I am unaware of the serendipity that has just occurred. Hobo! Give me my paper back!
Joe Pesci: I'm not Walt Whitman, though I am a little crazy. I shall use the rest of your thesis for fuel unless you make a deal with me.
Brendan Fraser: Though I am biased against you, I must acquiesce. However, I shall never respect this hobo. No, never.
[they strike a BARGAIN that involves TRADES of baths while wearing a VIKING HAT, food, wine, and a place to sleep for THESIS PAGES]
Josh Hamilton: Somehow, Brendan Fraser, I am a bigger dick than you. Keep this hobo out!
Patrick Dempsey: Let the man stay. He will add to my antics involving a chicken in a cage for some reason.
[Joe Pesci STAYS, imparting his own brand of HOBO WISDOM to the STUDENTS in the process]
Brendan Fraser: I have realized the error of my ways. Why, oh why have I lived this way for so long? Also, please make out with me.
Moira Kelly: Okay.
[they GET IT ON]
Joe Pesci: It would appear that the only way this movie can end is for me to die.
Brendan Fraser: But you have taught me better than any Harvard professor ever could.
Moira Kelly and Patrick Dempsey: This hobo has taught all of us.
[they READ to him from LEAVES OF GRASS, thus showing the DEEP nature of both HARVARD STUDENTS and HOBOS]
Josh Hamilton: I still kind of hate that hobo. Wait, he's dying? I guess he's okay.
[they take a ROAD TRIP to find Joe Pesci's SON, causing Brendan Fraser to miss his THESIS DEADLINE, proving that he has indeed CHANGED...as have we ALL]
Brendan Fraser: I will never forget you, Wise Hobo in the Likeness of Walt Whitman. I will, however, be in Blast from the Past and Bedazzled. Sorry about those.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

anna, i am laughing my ass off. i would pay to read this.