The Final Countdown

Originally published on my old blog in May, 2005.

Note: I only watched this because I was (mis)led to believe that the Europe song “The Final Countdown” was a part of the film. I’m sorry, but I love that song, due much in part to its use on “Arrested Development.” As far as I can tell, there is no actual "final countdown" involved in the movie.

Mysterious Man: Martin Sheen, go see what those Navy guys are doing on their ship and see if they can do it more efficiently.
Martin Sheen: Can I meet you?
Mysterious Man: No.
[Martin Sheen gets on the USS NIMITZ, which is currently stationed near PEARL HARBOR]
Kirk Douglas: Welcome to my aircraft carrier.
Martin Sheen: Thanks.
[some plane-related, but not plot-related MISHAPS occur]
Radar Guy: Holy crap, that’s a crazy-big storm!
Kirk Douglas: Whatever, we’re the Navy. Bring it.
[they go through the STORM]
Kirk Douglas: See, we’re fine.
[they hear JACK BENNY on the radio and then see WWII JAPANESE PLANES]
Everyone on board: Huh?
Kirk Douglas: Go see what’s going on.
[they send a PATROL to PEARL HARBOR to take PICTURES of it]
Guy Who is Writing a Book on the Attack on Pearl Harbor: Holy crap! These pictures look just like the ones I’m using in my book!
Kirk Douglas: Someone is playing a trick on us.
Martin Sheen: Uh, I think we traveled back in time to December 7, 1941. We shouldn’t change anything because it will alter our world.
Kirk Douglas: We have a responsibility to defend the United States, whether it’s in the past, present or future.
[they save a SENATOR and his ASSISTANT and her DOG]
Martin Sheen: Dude, that senator would probably have been vice president if he’d lived through the attack on Pearl Harbor. You CAN’T CHANGE HISTORY!!
[they send Guy Who is Writing a Book on the Attack on Pearl Harbor with a CREW to take the SENATOR and HIS ASSISTANT back to the island]
Senator: You can’t do this to me!
[he gets SHOT and the CREW leaves]
Guy Who is Writing a Book…: Hey, don’t leave without me! Shoot. Well, we’re stuck here. I guess I’m stuck in 1941.
Assistant: You’re hot.
[back on the NIMITZ]
Kirk Douglas: Ok, we are going to attack the Japanese fleet, thus changing history.
Martin Sheen: No, don’t.
[they show PLANES taking off for TEN MINUTES]
Radar Guy: That crazy storm is back.
Kirk Douglas: Outrun it.
Radar Guy: We can’t.
[they go back through the STORM, which is clearly actually a TIME PORTAL]
Kirk Douglas: Thanks for coming along on this crazy adventure.
Martin Sheen: No, thank you.
[the MYSTERIOUS MAN drives up in his car]
Martin Sheen: Holy crap, it’s Guy Who is Writing a Book… and the Senator’s Assistant. And they’re OLD!
Mysterious Man: Yes. We have a lot to talk about.
[they drive off into the SUNSET]

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