Originally published on my old blog in November 2005.

Orlando Bloom: I failed. I'm fine.
Alec Baldwin: You lost a BILLION DOLLARS. Bye.
That Woman That Played Kitty on Arrested Development: Our dad died. Go to Kentucky.
Kirsten Dunst: Hey, can we have an overly familiar conversation, even though I just met you? I hope you don't mind my terrible Southern accent
Orlando Bloom: That's cool, since my American accent isn't so great either. Can I call you later on when I have seemingly no one else to talk to?
Kirsten Dunst: Sure. I'll make you a creepy road trip book while we're talking, even though we've only met for ten minutes.
[Orlando Bloom goes to KENTUCKY, where he meets ECCENTRIC RELATIVES and has LIFE-CHANGING experiences]
Susan Sarandon: My husband died, so I think I'll do a tap dance at his funeral.
Orlando Bloom: Even though the movie should be over, Cameron Crowe has more mix tape to give America...so I guess I'll go on a road trip.
Kirsten Dunst: Now we're happy.
Grade for continuity: F
Grade for Kirsten Dunst's Hair: F-
Grade for Alec Baldwin's scene: A
Grade for burning bird as band played "Freebird": A+

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