Danny Deckchair

[it is SYDNEY]

Rhys Ifans: I thought I was Welsh. Oh well. I'll just work at this construction site, with no ambitions whatsoever.

Rhys Ifans' Girlfriend: [shrilly] You always have such stupid ideas!! You'll never amount to anything!!!! And I'm going to sell some real estate to a hot sportscaster!!! Ha ha ha ha!! (By the way, I'm mean, everyone.)

[they have a BARBIE that they actually call a "BARBIE," because they are AUSTRALIAN]

Rhys Ifans: I wonder what will happen if I attach these ridiculously huge helium balloons to this deck cha-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

[he FLIES AWAY, much to the CHAGRIN of his FRIENDS, but not so much to the CHAGRIN of his MEAN GIRLFRIEND]

Everyone: Oh no!

Rhys Ifans' Girlfriend: Perhaps I shall use this event to put some sort of Machiavellian plan into action.

[Rhys Ifans FLOATS over THE WORLD, seeing things in a NEW WAY. Then he CRASHES in a SMALL TOWN somewhere]

Rhys Ifans: Where am I? Who are you? Why are you so hot?

Hot Meter Maid: Because I represent everything that is the opposite of your current life with that mean girlfriend.

Guy Who Looks Like Anthony LaPaglia: I'm not Anthony LaPaglia, but I have the same acting range. What are you doing with my girl, stranger?

Hot Meter Maid: What's it to you? Go away, threat to our happiness!

[Rhys Ifans BEFRIENDS the meter maid, as well as the local POLITICIAN and all the TOWNSPEOPLE, who teach him VALUABLE LESSONS about LIFE]

Hot Meter Maid: You're so much awesomer than that stupid Anthony LaPaglia dude.

Rhys Ifans: I know! You're totally way better than my social-climber ex-girlfriend.

[they BONE]

Guy Who Looks Like Anthony LaPaglia: I have proof that your "friend" is actually that dude who flew away in a deckchair!!

Hot Meter Maid: Interesting. Well, clearly, we can't just end up together and be happy…there needs to be one more obstacle.

Rhys Ifans' Girlfriend: It's me!!!!! I love you now!!! Ha ha ha ha! (Still mean, everyone.)

Rhys Ifans and Hot Meter Maid: Nooooooooooooo!

[they are TORN APART, if only for the sake of THEATRICAL CONVENTION, only to get back TOGETHER again]

Everyone: Hooray! It's okay to be unambitious!

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