Classics Week Guest Post: Casablanca

"Casablanca," literally translated, means "white house." Perhaps we can find some sort of parallel between this well-loved story of love, loss and gin joints in an exotic locale, and the current administration, such as a lesson like, "The president sticks his neck out for no man."

Maybe not. Play it, Laura McClain. PLAY IT!!

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[it is CASABLANCA during the NAZI OCCUPATION]

Refugees: I hate being stuck here in Casablanca. Perhaps tomorrow we will be on that very low-flying, fake-looking plane.

[various stuffy EUROPEANS refugees have their WALLETS and JEWELS stolen by DIRTY foreigners]

A Random Nazi: Some German couriers were killed in Casablanca. Find them, corrupt Chief of Police Claude Rains.
Claude Rains: Okay. We’ll do it at Rick’s, that really crowded nightclub where everyone hangs out. That’s the perfect place to shoot into a crowd.
[they GO to RICK’S CLUB, where the AWESOME Louis Armstrong PLAYS his PIANO]

Peter Lorre: Oh no! They’re gonna kill me, Rick! Here, hide these top-secret important papers for me! Now hide me!
Humphrey Bogart: I stick my neck out for no man.
[they SHOOT Peter Lorre]

Humphrey Bogart: Please stop shooting people in my nightclub.
Claude Rains: Sorry about that. Oh, by the way, did you hear about this heroic Resistance leader Victor Laszlo? He’s coming to Casablanca, and we’re gonna nail him!
Humphrey Bogart: I stick my neck out for no man.

[the RADIANT Ingrid Bergman ENTERS]
Louis Armstrong: Shit.
Ingrid Bergman: Hey, Louis Armstrong. Come over here and play that song that thrusts people into flashbacks.
[Louis Armstrong PLAYS “As Time Goes By”]

Humphrey Bogart: Sam, I told you never to play that song...WHUUUU????
Ingrid Bergman: Hi, Rick.
[they stare MEANINGFULLY at EACH OTHER]
Humphrey Bogart: Of all the gin joints in all the towns...play it, Sam. PLAY IT!!!!
[Louis Armstrong PLAYS “As Time Goes By”, leading Humphrey Bogart into a series of idyllic FLASHBACKS of his LOVE with Ingrid Bergman, in which they DRINK an OBSCENE amount of ALCOHOL]
Ingrid Bergman: Sorry I ditched you in Paris and everything. But you have to help me and Victor Laszlo. Oh, he’s the man I left you for, by the way.
Humphrey Bogart: I stick my neck out for no man.
[lots of other things HAPPEN, including Rick STICKING out his NECK for like, a THOUSAND people, as a LEAD-IN to the GREATEST scene EVER]
Ingrid Bergman: We are free to leave Casablanca! But I don’t know what to do - for I still love you!
[“As Time Goes By” SWELLS DRAMATICALLY]
Unromantic Audience Member: I really don’t think they would let a plane take off in fog like that.
Weeping Audience Member: Shhhhh!
Humphrey Bogart: You gotta get on that plane maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow a hill of beans in this crazy world we’ll always have Paris here’s looking at you, kid.

[Ingrid Bergman GETS on the PLANE, even though she had the BEST SEX EVER with Humphrey Bogart]

Humphrey Bogart: Well, she’s gone. At least she redeemed me. Claude Rains, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[they WALK off in the MIST]