***
[It is 1948, maybe too CLOSE to the war for this movie to HAVE the proper perspective]
Gregory Peck: Well son, we live in New York now. Daddy’s been hired to write for a magazine. It’s sad that your mom is dead.
Freckle-Faced Son: Sure is, pops!
Gregory Peck’s Mom: Good thing I’m here to take care of you two knuckleheads!
Gregory Peck: Time to go to work!
His Editor: Say, I’ve got a crackerjack assignment for you. I think we should write about antisemitism. It’s a hot-button issue.
Gregory Peck: Yeah, since the Holocaust literally JUST happened!
20th Century Fox: DON’T MENTION THE HOLOCAUST, LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
[Gregory Peck GOES to a party where he MEETS the editor’s niece Kathy, who in the GRAND TRADITION of old movies could be ANYWHERE from 25 to 55 BASED on general styling]
Kathy: Well hi there. I suggested that my uncle run the piece on antisemitism. Let’s fall in love, shall we?
Gregory Peck: And how!
[they are INSTANTLY in love for no REASON I can UNDERSTAND]
Freckle-Face Son: Hey Pops, what’s antisemitism?
Gregory Peck: Hmm. I cannot explain this easily to you, so I must take the assignment. But I can’t find the angle!
[he PACES around his apartment in a three-inch-long tie]
Gregory Peck: If only my old childhood chum Dave could help me! He’s way Jewish. But he is at Army.
[he WRITES Dave a letter while REFLECTING on the fact that Dave doesn’t LOOK all that Jewish or something which GIVES him a great idea]
Gregory Peck: I know! I’ll live as a Jewish man for six months. And by “live as” I mean I’ll just sort of sternly tell people I’m Jewish after they’ve said something offensive and temporarily change my name to Greenstein. Then I’ll know everything.
Mom: [NODS wisely]
Gregory Peck: Now, to begin my life as a Jewish man.
Kathy: I'm so proud of you! But wait, just to confirm, you’re not...REALLY Jewish are you?
[she SHRINKS away ever so SLIGHTLY for foreshadowing]
Gregory Peck: Huh.
[it is the OFFICE]
Gregory Peck: Secretary, I want you to write two letters to an employment agency – one from a real red-blooded American name and one from a stereotypically Jewish name. Let’s see which one gets an interview.
June Havoc, aka Dainty June from Gypsy: Hey, that’s what I did to get this job. I am secretly Jewish. Gross, right?
Gregory Peck: So am I!
[various people are CAGILY anti-Semitic in a “wink wink” kind of WAY while Peck RESPONDS in his STERN Atticus Finch VOICE]
Celeste Holm: Here I am, a fabulous fashion editor awash in hats and quips. Let’s have a martini! I couldn't care less that you are Jewish, you handsome, handsome man.
Kathy: But I kind of do! Even though I know you are not. We got engaged somewhere in here, I guess and I don’t want you to continue your experiment at the party my WASP sister is throwing for us. It’s just TOO REAL.
[they HAVE the first of many FIGHTS]
John Garfield: It’s me, Dave, your token Jewish friend, here to visit and be surprisingly cool with your mildly offensive journalism gimmick. I shall tell you what it is like to be Jewish.
[he LAYS IT OUT and also FIGHTS yet another anti-Semitic piece of SHIT at a restaurant]
Celeste Holm: You two Jewish boys are all right!
Freckle-Face Son: Say pop, are we Jewish?
Gregory Peck: Kind of?
Freckle-Face Son: Okey dokey, I guess.
Gregory Peck: Hey honey, my old pal Dave and his family need a place to stay. People won’t rent to his family because he truly has to live life as a Jewish man in 1948 and isn’t on some Tyra Banks-esque lark. Can they live in your family’s empty country home for a while?
Kathy: They wouldn’t understand! They WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND!
Gregory Peck: The fuck?
[they BREAK UP maybe? but he still GOES for his journalist EXPERIMENT to the place where they were going to HONEYMOON because apparently they don’t ADMIT Jews]
Gregory Peck: Do you or do you not accept Jews?!*
Hotel Manager: [STARES impassively]
Freckle-Face Son: Pop, some boys from school chased me and called me dirty words because I am maybe Jewish. Why would they do that to me? Why, Pop?
[it is LEGITIMATELY sad]
Kathy: No, Billy, no! You’re no more Jewish than I!*
Gregory Peck: What the FUCK.
[they BREAK UP for real, FINALLY]
Celeste Holm: I know it’s not my place, but I don’t think Kathy is the right woman for you. She's clearly a bigot and her hats aren't even that cute.
[her eyes GLISTEN with UNREQUITED LOVE tears]
The Editor: What a page-turner, Peck! You really outdid yourself.
Dainty June: Whaaaa? You’re not Jewish?! But I thought you were a [insert terrible slur] like me!
Gregory Peck: Look at me! Don’t I have the same face, the same hands as I did when you thought I was Jewish?*
[he MANSPLAINS antisemitism, to her, a Jewish person]
Kathy: I’m not an anti-Semite, right John Garfield?
John Garfield: No, not outright, but when people make terrible jokes do you say something? Do you stand up for people when they are discriminated against? The worst kind of people are the nice people who do nothing.
[I NOD along, ASHAMED of myself for the JOKES I have made whilst WRITING this]
Kathy: I’ve been so wrong! Gregory Peck, I’m sorry. Your Jewish friend can live in our family home.
Gregory Peck: Hooray! We are in love again.
Celeste Holm: I guess I’ll just win an Oscar for this movie. I mean, I was fine in it.
[antisemitism is SOLVED thanks to one BRAVE WASP]
*actual line from movie
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