Spring Breakdown

Obviously, I had very high hopes for this, based on the three leading ladies alone, and then when supporting actor after supporting actor was AWESOME, I was even more excited. It was fine - definitely worth seeing if you have Netflix Instant Watch and a lazy Sunday, and you're a fan of anyone in it (Missy Pyle is particularly great, I thought).
[it is 1992]
Amy Poehler: My brocade vest says that I am a nerd.
Parker Posey: As does my granny shawl.
Rachel Dratch: Come, my friends, let us enter the senior talent show and sing "True Colors" with bongos.
[they DO, and are BOOED off the stage]
Parker Posey: Once we graduate, we're gonna be awesome!!
[it is 15 years LATER, and they are NOT AWESOME]
Amy Poehler: I train dogs for a living, but can't get a date, though I am super-cute and Hollywood likes to pretend I'm ugly!
Rachel Dratch: I'm getting married to a man who wears no less than two polos at a time!
Seth Meyers: That's me, bokayyyyyyyy!!
[he BLOWS their POOLBOY]
Rachel Dratch: Oh no! He's gay!
Parker Posey: Oh no! My cat died! This make-your-own-pizza party is in honor of my dead cat.
[they have a SORT-OF-PATHETIC little party]
Jane Lynch: That's right, I'm a senator, and I'm from Texas, and I love big guns and big hair! And I need someone to go make sure my daughter doesn't get too wiiiiiiiiiiild on Spring Break! You! Mousy girl! You look young enough, sort of. Git down to South Padre and make me proud!
Parker Posey: I will do it!!
Amber Tamblyn: My mom, the senator, thinks I'm a partier, but I am actually a medieval faire nerd! I will prove her wrong by going crazy on Spring Break!
[EVERYONE goes to South Padre and HIJINKS occur]
Parker Posey: I'm friends with the senator's daughter, because we're all nerds!
Amy Poehler: I'm friends with the sorority girls and like dressing crazy now!
Rachel Dratch: I'm sooooooooo druuuuuuunkkkkk! Whose shoe is this?*
Amy Poehler: That's your shoe.*
Rachel Dratch: That's bullshit.*
Missy Pyle: I am also in this movie and it is way not fair that I can be this hot AND this funny! But I am, suckerrrrsssss!!
[more HIJINKS occur, culminating in, obviously, A TALENT SHOW]
Parker Posey: I learned to stand up for myself!
Amy Poehler: I learned that I shouldn't have deserted my friends!
Rachel Dratch: I learned that my fiance was gay! Well, I kind of learned that earlier, but now I really know.
[they sing some WILSON PHILIPS and tell the crowd to GO FUCK THEMSELVES because they are AWESOME ANYWAYS]

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